## Right Ho, Wodehouse

As much as it earnestly felt like I had quit YouTube do the
experience of it running ads right in the middle of of an 
intense musical experience I was having, I fell off the 
wagon yesterday into the night, and the early a.m., giving 
up the ghost at 3:00 in the morning [1].  

It looks like YouTube will have to follow the pattern set by
Twitter and Reddit of gradually winding usage down until one 
day I can achieve Grover Norquist's for the government and be 
able to drown it in the bathtub. 

When that future act of web-i-cide occurs I will be sure to 
wait a bit longer to report it as I am a bit embarrassed to 
have hooked up to the feeds yet again.  But there is a kind 
of emptiness that makes a sort of palliative itch-scratching.  
Via Gemini I came to this quote from House of Leaves by Mark Z 
Danielewski: 

>Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without
>thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of 
>minutes. The violence comes from a combination of 
>giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting 
>past it is all you can hope to accomplish. So you 
>kill the hour. You do not work, you do not read, you 
>do not daydream. If you sleep it is not because you 
>need to sleep. And when at last it is over, there 
>is no evidence: no weapon, no blood, and no body. 
>The only clue might be the shadows beneath your eyes 
>or a terribly thin line near the corner of your mouth 
>indicating something has been suffered, that in the 
>privacy of your life you have lost something and 
>the loss is too empty to share.

In an odd way I am sort of glad that I felt these negative 
feelings.  This at least gives me feelings to express beyond 
bemusement at pattern.

So why did I feel so empty?  Looking from the distance some
sleep, coffee, and looking out to verdure and bird play, I 
have a few theories.  But, you know, just thinking about 
them, going on a walk, putting them in outline form, 
writing the rest of the email and then taking a nap has 
left me not feeling like going into any of it.  Partly this
is because the last great rabbit hole I went down was on 
P.G. Wodehouse.  I had not realized there would be video 
interviews of him. Here's one such interview and then a 
documentary:  

=> https://youtu.be/Re9QXetFipM

=> https://youtu.be/DbiwROt0yL8

I say this with no irony: who needs insight, the turning
points of history, or anything ponderous when you can have 
Wodehouse?  

I am deliberately taking a day off from my studies (one of
my theories as to why I was so depressed was pushing myself 
too hard there, then guilt at the prospect of giving up) [2].
And I now know that my destiny is not to just read 
non-fiction. No, no, there is enough Wodehouse to make a 
nice reading life out of.  I'm only three in, lifetime, so 
over 60 novels alone to go. 

I say go to the light. 


===
[1] I had also joined sdf.org and was going through the 
initial attempts and mistakes necessary to wield the tools
with joy and make the place a home.  

[2] Since I gave one theory, here is another -- that piece 
I wrote yesterday, [the sexy one], left me deeply 
disheartened.  Any society that can punch up the word sexy
is not only deeply dehumanizing, but preying on human 
weakness -- all with an attractive gloss.  You are a fool
for falling for it, but a greater fool for trying to be 
outside of it. The word idiot traces back to Greek for 
being an individual out of step with those around you.  
And I sensed the darkness and isolation in all that.  But
enough of that.  To beautiful days and beautiful books, 
and even beautiful videos. 

=>gemini://gemlog.blue:1965/users/NetCandide/1615648831.gmi [the sexy one]