SMOLNET PORTAL home about changes
[root][parent][raw file]
(DIR) ←Back
AITAH For Secretly Cheating On Our Vegetarian Diet That My Wife Made Our
Family Do?
[removed]
########################################################################
|u/WaryScientist - 1 month
|
|NTA - she said she got rid of it because she couldn’t be around it…
|well she wasn’t around it. Also, you guys did NOT convert to her
|religion, so she can’t expect that you follow it… not really sure what
|the problem is when she wasn’t home.
|u/PossibleSummer8182 - 1 month
|
|Agree. I think if she cooks the meals for the whole family then they
|are leaving the menu planning up to her. However, she was not home at
|that time.
|u/Cool-Sink8886 - 1 month
|
|I do think that (assuming the kids are getting proper nutrition) if
|the wife cooks then it's her menu and you can't force her to cook
|meat. There are tons of good vegetarian dishes even a meat eater
|can enjoy. It's not fair for her to decide when she's not cooking
|(assuming OP leaves a real veg option for her).
|u/Questionsquestionsth - 1 month
|
|This misses the bigger problem, which is that this isn’t just
|about meat and food. She has completely taken over every aspect
|of their consumption - no more deodorant, only “acceptable”
|clothing items, vegan house products, etc. This isn’t just “if
|she’s cooking and it’s her menu it’s her choice” because she’s
|forcing this bullshit down their throats outside of the kitchen,
|too. I would have zero tolerance for this level of self
|absorbed micromanaging. You’re not replacing my fucking deodorant
|for your own nonsense. Me wearing a generic t-shirt that didn’t
|come from some manipulative brand spouting performative nonsense
|isn’t “hard for you to be around” - she needs to grow up. Give
|her a “the strict rules you’re enforcing and inflicting on my
|life are hard for me to be around, and I would like your support
|in living the lifestyle I feel is right for me.” She isn’t gonna
|go for it, I’m sure - which is the core of the issue here, it’s
|all selfish nonsense from her.
|u/ladidah_whoopa - 1 month
|
|Yeah, this is one of those cases where her supposed boundaries
|encroach on other people's right to make their own choices. She
|has no more right to force them to give up meat than they would
|if they were trying to make her have it
|u/Questionsquestionsth - 1 month
|
|How anyone can have the audacity to say “your decision to eat
|meat/use deodorant/etc. are hard for me to live with and
|making me uncomfortable, so you need to support me and stop”
|without realizing how controlling, hypocritical, and
|ridiculous they are is beyond me. She’s asking him to support
|her while in the same sentence declaring she doesn’t give a
|fuck if she’s doing the same things to him she’s demanding he
|stop doing, just with a different flavor. Also, good god -
|some people need to get their priorities straight. I don’t
|have enough time nor energy in a day to be uncomfortable with
|the food and personal care product choices anyone else makes.
|You’re so bothered by it you can’t cope? Mind your fucking
|business, get something more important to think about. I
|think so infrequently about what my partner is eating or
|using as deodorant… I have real problems… this gal is dense.
|u/Business_Monkeys7 - 1 month
|
|This was exactly my take. She has become completely unbalanced.
|These two need to go to couples counseling or she needs to
|leave the home. This can only escalate.
|u/rellieO - 1 month
|
|What religion is this? Very cultish to be brainwashed so
|quickly. No advice, just sorry it's rough for you. Growing
|boys need protein.
|u/moongoddessy - 1 month
|
|The real answer? It sounds exactly like a 7th day Adventist
|my sister used to work with. She also believed traditional
|medicine and vaccines are bad, so if OP’s wife is going
|full tilt extremist, OP is going to have to make sure their
|kids get the medical care and immunizations they need🙃😬
|u/CenturionGolf - 1 month
|
|Exactly, one could very well consider this as a
|conversion to a very restrictive religion. A newly
|converted person usually would be quite zealous and try
|to convince (or force) others to validate her decision to
|convert by imposing her new customs and restrictions on
|them.
|u/Long-Mud3405 - 1 month
|
|Came here to say this. Spent a summer at 7th Day
|Adventist camp. First we all went over one town and ate
|meat drank chocolate milk etc. but what stumped me was
|all the fake meat. Why shape it and make it like real
|meat if real meat bothers you. You can’t force your
|lifestyle own your loved ones.
|u/Openminer - 1 month
|
|My understanding is that they started this notion to
|control lust. It's a fascinating story. Part of the
|breakfast Kellogg cereal was invented to control lust of
|the flesh.
|u/Biddles1stofhername - 1 month
|
|That's my question as well. I've never heard of those
|restrictions from any traditional religions. Sounds very
|cultist imo.
|u/Ok_Association135 - 1 month
|
|Or wake up and leave the cult
|u/PhDinDildos_Fedoras - 1 month
|
|A functioning family unit has to compromise within reason. In
|this case it would be ok to increase the amount of vegetarian
|food, buy greener products etc, but forcing the whole family to
|strictly and one-sidedly adhere to a diet and lifestyle is not
|ok.
|u/Bloodrayna - 1 month
|
|Yeah, I'm a vegan and this sounds batshit. There are vegan
|deodorant brands, and most t-shirts are made of cotton or
|polyester. You could argue polyester is not great
|environmentally, but none of this sounds like a religion or
|even something most vegans would care about other than the meat
|thing. NTA 
|u/placecm - 1 month
|
|Exactly, where’s her respect for them? Like can be supportive
|and still have their lifestyle. Sounds like she doesn’t want to
|be tempted to sin. They definitely need couples counseling.
|Sounds like op loves his wife but this isn’t what he signed up
|for and if she continues this regime, he’d be within his right
|to divorce.
|u/Vegetable-Wing6477 - 1 month
|
|I absolutely Hate the "why can't you support me??" Well why is
|it a one way street? Why can't you support me? Why can't you
|discuss like an adult and compromise? My gf is repulsed by
|eggs and pork. So I don't cook her pork or eggs. She has no
|problems with me eating them, even during the same meal. I'll
|have a club sandwich, while I sub the bacon for cheese in hers.
|I'll have pork Miso ramen and just cook some chicken for hers
|instead. Of course I'm lucky that my gf grew out of that
|spoiled 5yr old brat stage when she was a kid, rather than
|double down on it like so many adults unfortunately do.
|u/Tex_Azn_Vet - 1 month
|
|Very well said. Supporting her is one thing, pushing her ideas
|onto others who are unwilling is another.
|u/MartianMule - 1 month
|
|> There are tons of good vegetarian dishes even a meat eater can
|enjoy. Absolutely.  But if those meals are all you eat, a meat
|eater is obviously going to feel something is missing, regardless
|of whether or not the vegetarian (or even vegan, since apparently
|eggs, regular t-shirts, and deodorant are also on the banned
|list) dishes are good in their own right. 
|u/mscameron77 - 1 month
|
|So, to clarify, when she cooks she doesn’t need to accommodate
|their preferences. When he cooks, he does need to accommodate
|hers?
|u/Mockingjay40 - 1 month
|
|I mean I agree with this. You have no right to go out of your way
|to complain when food is literally set down on the table in front
|of you without you putting in any effort. At worst, you can be
|polite and make yourself a different meal, but complaining about
|what someone else prepared for you is never justified. Her not
|allowing them to eat what they’d like and respect their wishes
|even when she’s not around and it doesn’t affect her is extremely
|unreasonable.
|u/Pinkcoconuts1843 - 1 month
|
|I am female, so I’ll tell you my opinion. Your wife is a bully,
|bending the rest of you to her will. You are  overly
|accommodating to the point of being ridiculous.
|u/tacphotog - 1 month
|
|I agree. She is being unreasonable. It's her religion so
|maybe she should go live it somewhere else.
|u/Cleobulle - 1 month
|
|Jumping in here to Say keep a close eye and go with her - I
|have This neighbour who goes regularly to a bouddhism
|center. He's a nurse, lives alone but IS Always broke.
|Because he gives all his money every month - for me it's a
|sect, they Know perfectly well hé gives them all his money.
|He started being vege, then Vegan. Then stopped using
|hospital, as his guru told him about This great clinic in
|India. So every year he spends 6 k for airplane ticket and
|a ten day stay in this clinic where basically they have him
|throw UP to get rid of all this western toxin. Then every
|months he buy very expensive plant hand picked and prepared
|by "Doc". That he has no Idea whats inside as it's secret
|😭😭and he pops them while refraining to take thé evil
|western MEDs. Now they rule every interaction he has. They
|are litt bleeding him dry.
|u/Current_Confusion443 - 1 month
|
|Thank you. This is what I was thinking but couldn't put into
|words. Also female, it sounds like she started slowly to see
|what she could get away with, and the power when to her head.
|Another commenter called it "nonsense" and "micromanaging".
|I completely agree! She made it about "religion" to get the
|upper hand.
|u/Rough-Aardvark1349 - 1 month
|
|Not to mention, she's banned it from the house. She doesn't
|care if they cook their own separate meal
|u/ericfromct - 1 month
|
|That for me was where she crossed the line.
|u/CatmoCatmo - 1 month
|
|Same. Her saying “it’s too hard for me to be around these
|things” as a way of justifying her need to banish meat and
|such from their home, is BS. OP could turn it around and
|say, “well, it’s too hard for me and the boys to be *AWAY*
|from these things”. Majority rules here. The boys are
|obviously old enough to make this choice for themselves if
|they have friends sneaking them meat every chance they get.
|(Little little kids don’t wouldn’t have the wherewithal or
|means to surprise their friend with much desired meat. So
|although he didn’t specify the ages, I’m guessing they’re
|at least 8-9 - which is old enough to have autonomy in this
|situation.)
|u/Subject_Cranberry_19 - 1 month
|
|Right? Maybe next, the wife will require the husband and kids
|to take up jogging so she can lose weight. This has
|progressed past the point of personal preference and into the
|realm of controlling behavior. Also, speaking from
|experience here about the so-called natural deodorant…there’s
|an adjective for those who use it: stinky. OP, NTA and, in
|fact, you’ve had far more patience than I would in this
|scenario. I’d be cooking 3-4 dinners a week for my kids and
|if wifey doesn’t like it, then you can start to prepare for
|when she demands your conversion. Sheesh.
|u/Mockingjay40 - 1 month
|
|Yeah that’s ridiculous to me. I have friends that are Hindu
|and they don’t eat red meat but host potlucks and people
|bring red meat and they’ve never said a word.
|u/NorysStorys - 1 month
|
|Same, I have Muslim friends and none of the have said a
|word when I’ve ordered pork or had a pint with a meal. It’s
|just what regular people do, respect each others cultures
|but don’t force them on each other.
|u/Puzzlehead-Bed-333 - 1 month
|
|No is a full sentence. She doesn’t have to cook it but
|there is no way I’d agree to that for my kids. Crock post
|roast or chicken once a week and eat it for days. Eat
|vegetarian means on the side. Have a meatless Monday to
|support her but by no means would this fly in my house.
|u/TheBerethian - 1 month
|
|Eh see if her job in the family is to cook, it’s an AH thing to
|do to enforce her new religious views on the whole family.
|u/m1ster_rob0t - 1 month
|
|I don’t fully agree with the “But complaining about that
|someone else prepared for you is never justified” If you are
|guest then yes but when in a relationship if one is working and
|the other is “stay at home” then i think it is justified to
|complain when you only get vegan food when you are not vegan.
|How would you feel when you are “stay at home” and your SO
|changes to a different lower paying job because of a
|“religion”?
|u/effectz219 - 1 month
|
|I agree and don't. If op is providing all the financial Income
|and making dinner and keeping the house in shape are her
|contribution she doesn't just get to force them to eat veg
|because she chose to
|u/iaintgotnosantaria - 1 month
|
|the real question is if she is a sahm or not because if she’s
|spending money on shit he doesnt even want to eat then thats a
|problem imo
|u/RudyMama0212 - 1 month
|
|I respectfully disagree. What if the tables were turned? If the
|family was vegetarian and wife decided that her new religion
|required her to eat meat, would it be okay for her to force the
|rest of the family to eat meat? Would she have the right to be
|upset if dad cooked a vegetarian meal while she was away? I
|agree that if she is cooking and doesn't want to be exposed to
|meat, she doesn't have to. Let dad throw a few burgers on the
|grill for him and the kids if that's what they want. But she
|doesn't have the right to dictate what the rest of the family
|eats because of her religious beliefs that the rest of the family
|doesn't subscribe to.
|u/-worstcasescenario- - 1 month
|
|What do you mean “leaves a real veg option.” She is not
|interested in cooking what the family wants to eat. Why should OP
|be more obligated to cook what his wife wants? They should both
|be coming to accommodate the other but neither has a greater
|obligation to do so.
|u/Oma9551 - 1 month
|
|With the unyielding and increasing changes I would question the
|religion? Is it cult?
|u/Contract-Many - 1 month
|
|Yep mom was vegetarian. Dinner was 95% of the time plants. But
|cold cuts in the fridge and occasionally a local chicken made its
|way onto the table
|u/Perfect-Return-3332 - 1 month
|
|So if she cooks they don’t have a say but if he cooks he needs to
|cook a separate meal just for here
|u/frzn_dad - 1 month
|
|>There are tons of good vegetarian dishes even a meat eater can
|enjoy. Not if they want to eat meat.
|u/arbyD - 1 month
|
|I eat a vegetarian meal sometimes... several nights a week for
|dinner in fact. I would be upset if I had to give up meat
|entirely.
|u/banana_pencil - 1 month
|
|I love vegetarian food and often prefer it to meat options.
|But if I had to give up meat, I’d probably obsess over it and
|want it all the time.
|u/Maximum-Side3743 - 1 month
|
|I eat a vegetarian meal sometimes, I'd have constant IBS
|flare-ups if I had to give up meat while trying to keep a
|full belly. Partial fructose intolerance is a bitch. You
|know how many fruits and veg have fructose? it's most of
|them. The cramping when you exceed your limits is awful.
|u/BreakOk8190 - 1 month
|
|Only if she eats meat set down in front of her without complaint
|if someone else cooks it. It has to go both ways to be fair.
|u/wycliffslim - 1 month
|
|I don't completely disagree, but flip it around. If the husband
|was cooking and made meat for every meal, it would be considered
|rude. If you live with a family who you care about, you should
|attempt to consider the feelings of everyone, not just yourself.
|Relationships are about compromise.
|u/TheBerethian - 1 month
|
|Ehhhh if her job is the homemaker and she has decided after the
|fact to join a religion that prohibits meat and she’s enforcing
|this on the household, I don’t think she should get a pass for
|that. Feeding the family is a part of her job, in that case. NTA
|and the husband needs to take a stand and not do it behind his
|wife’s back. (If she isn’t a SAHM then ignore the above)
|u/green_miracles - 1 month
|
|Also what “religion” even is this!? Can’t wear deodorant?? Can’t
|eat any meat, ever? Sounds more like a punishment than any religion
|lol. Or maybe a cult.
|u/Fruitstripe_omni - 1 month
|
|I’m a vegetarian and that’s how I am. When I cook a meal, there’s
|no meat. I won’t cook it correctly and the smell makes me sick. But
|if we’re out at a restaurant, my family orders what they want.
|u/MiamiDouchebag - 1 month
|
|What the hell religion is this btw? Changing their shirts and
|deodorant? Sounds like a cult.
|u/RhynoD - 1 month
|
|That was my thought. I'm not aware of any mainstream religion that
|is so strictly vegan.
|[Jainism](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jainism) maybe? But the
|ones that are vegetarian tend not to be evangelist and mostly say
|that it comes down to personal responsibility, and to leave
|everyone else alone.
|u/changeneverhappens - 1 month
|
|Seventh Day Adventists are often vegetarian and can get caught up
|in "health conciousness" fads as well. 
|u/AromaticMilkshake - 1 month
|
|A big part of my family is 7th Day Adventists and neither them
|nor any of their church friends is vegetarian. They don’t eat
|pork, crustaceans and some types of fish, though. Chicken and
|cow meat is fine, and so are eggs and dairy.
|u/Mistletoe177 - 1 month
|
|Yeah, I grew up SDA, and we weren’t vegetarian. It was
|probably 50/50 vegetarians and non vegetarian among my
|friends. It’s encouraged but not required. School/college
|cafeteria was vegetarian. No pork though, until I grew up!
|u/RedRidingBear - 1 month
|
|I am a 6th generation Adventist (now ex) and grew up going to
|Adventist school it's extremely frowned upon to not be
|vegetarian in Adventism. Ellen G White made that VERY clear
|in her teachings. Chicken and cow meat are NOT fine in
|Adventism but more "liberal" Adventists like to pretend it is
|to make their lives easier.
|u/SharontheBaker - 1 month
|
|We use deodorant/antiperspirants though!
|u/Beginning-Scratch928 - 1 month
|
|Lol, I’m sure everybody appreciates you use the
|antiperspirant. I love your comment.
|u/DisastrousOwls - 1 month
|
|Yeah, it's because these "deodorant pill" companies or
|affiliates are seeding stories to the AITA, AITAH, AIO etc.
|subs to drum up curiosity & interest, it's not a religious or
|"clean living" thing at all.
|u/WeightWeightdontelme - 1 month
|
|Pretty crap marketing to make it seem like its the
|deodorant of choice for hyper-controlling religious
|zealots.
|u/Electrical-Act-7170 - 1 month
|
|Hope so. Does this GoScentless thing work on people who live
|in hot climates who sweat heavily?
|u/Theron3206 - 1 month
|
|Unless that pill causes your sweat to be antimicrobial,
|then no, not a chance.
|u/raziel7893 - 1 month
|
|There are a few things that reduce sweating in general
|(i've got Salbei pills a while ago as i did sweat quite
|alot because of pain meds. But without deodorant that
|does not prevent the stink, just makes the water amount
|bearable) Fyi scentless vlaims to contain three things:
|Sodium Copper Chloaphyllin(coloring stuff, should also
|reduce scent... in kosmetika, so not internal), Organic
|Parsley Leaf ("contains vitamin K" is the main usage?) ,
|Organic Mint Leaf(can jelp for bad breath, maybe some
|digestive aid) And the page is 100% one of the social
|media drop shipping sites. Dueto not being able to sleep
|i tried to Google them., see brackets... Complete
|bullshit is my resumee To topic: NTA 100€
|u/_Alabama_Man - 1 month
|
|I have been able to identify some people who think they are
|going scentless without them saying it first. So, either
|they are doing it wrong or it doesn't work.
|u/Logical-Equivalent40 - 1 month
|
|Some more strict enclaves do not. I think it was a higher
|than average number in Wildwood who did not when I was last
|aware of what they were doing. And families in a nearby
|congregation also did not.
|u/SingleDistribution82 - 1 month
|
|Grew up SDA, most of us ate meat. To be fair, it's been some
|time since I was practicing. Maybe the culture changed.
|u/changeneverhappens - 1 month
|
|Yup!  I grew up around Loma Linda though- met folks of all
|kinds.  That's why I don't just think of South Asian
|religions when I hear vegetarian and health consciousness.  I
|think cans of gluten  and all of SoCals crunchy health trends
|😆
|u/BryanP1968 - 1 month
|
|Observant SDA tend to be very healthy and live long lives.
|Many are vegetarian. Some just observe the same basic dietary
|practices as Jews - no scavengers etc.
|u/Logical-Equivalent40 - 1 month
|
|Honestly, I was thinking of Wildwood in Georgia when I read the
|description of some of these things. The shirts would be new,
|but I have been out of touch with what they are doing since
|2015. The deodorant is not new to me.
|u/kimcheery - 1 month
|
|Former SDA here. I immediately thought SDA from the
|description. Most of the ones in my church did not eat any
|meat, drink coffee, etc. although I’m aware more progressive
|ones do.
|u/ferdaw95 - 1 month
|
|That doesn't mean the person who converted wasn't an evangelist
|before hand, and may not have deconstructed her previous faith
|fully.
|u/Frosty-Organization3 - 1 month
|
|I mean, it’s not impossible that it could be Jainism, and she’s
|just particularly overzealous about it- I don’t think that’s
|especially uncommon among new converts to basically any religion.
|u/Hungry-Low-7387 - 1 month
|
|Seventh Day Adventists possibly. Wait till she takes away the
|alcohol and dancing too... Better set the rules of engagement now
|before it's gets worse. Need balance in this particular situation,
|not fair for you and the boys
|u/SlappySecondz - 1 month
|
|And what the fuck are deodorant pills?!
|u/RedMoustache - 1 month
|
|I think they fill them with snake oil.
|u/DarthTJ - 1 month
|
|>Sounds like a cult. This is my guess.
|u/jasimon2 - 1 month
|
|It's Karen-ism. That is a recognized religion here in the US.
|u/thecashblaster - 1 month
|
|Buddhism is one
|u/BridgertonSassenach - 1 month
|
|Hindu usually vegitarian.
|u/r00tPenguin - 1 month
|
|I was thinking the same thing. Sounds like some cult. Probably some
|Indian with a bunch of gullible gringos.
|u/f0xapocalypse - 1 month
|
|Came here to say this - I have been around a lot traditional
|medicine / alternative healing / essential oils/stuff that folks
|might consider wacky or occult … and tech/product bros… and I have
|NEVER HEARD OF A DEODORANT PILL.
|u/LegendofDragoon - 1 month
|
|She wants respect for her decisions without offering any respect for
|anyone else's decsion. It's ridiculously hypocritical.
|u/99angelgirl - 1 month
|
|Also wtf is a deodorant pill? That doesn't sound safe to be regularly
|consuming antiperspirants in lieu of using a natural deodorant brand.
|u/PristinePrism - 1 month
|
|This is a FUCKING ADVERTISEMENT for the deodorant pill. They pulled
|this shit the other week with a girl saying her boyfriend was
|gaslighting her into thinking she was smelly so she started taking
|these pills etc.
|u/elcaron - 1 month
|
|Talking about safety, swapping out eggs sounds like a vegan, not a
|vegetarian diet. To not start a discussion, I am saying raising
|children vegan is difficult, to say the least. It would require
|carefully checking nutrients, which I don't expect from a religious
|nutjob. OP, your children are in severe danger. Do NOT STAND DOWN.
|NTA
|u/Chemical_Respond_443 - 1 month
|
|I assume they mean a stick you rub in your armpits (with more
|"natural" ingredients than regular spray antiperspirants), you
|can't actually take a supplement/ that wouldn't fit with the rest
|of the "natural" traits of the story, right??
|u/99angelgirl - 1 month
|
|On a quick Google search, there are apparently "vegan and
|organic" deodorant pills that decrease perspiration. Many
|supplements like this are unsafe in the long term but because
|they are supplements they are largely unregulated as drugs,
|especially if they are made mostly from herbs. But many herbs can
|be unsafe in large doses.
|u/Wattaday - 1 month
|
|Yeah perspiration is one of the ways the body gets rid of
|byproducts of metabolism. And in no way is this safe for kids.
|Not to mentions wouldn’t be stinking for my spouse’s religion.
|u/dotnetdotcom - 1 month
|
|Sounds like a prescription for heat stroke.
|u/Resident_Warthog4711 - 1 month
|
|My kid needs clinical strength deodorant. I'd risk eternal
|damnation before I'd deal with what he smelled like before we
|tried that stuff.
|u/Kitsumekat - 1 month
|
|Smells like damnation.
|u/OscarnBennyesmom - 1 month
|
|This OP your kids are probably too young to take deodorant pills.
|At least check with their dr.
|u/New-Seaweed-7006 - 1 month
|
|Ha, you think they see a doctor anymore? I know a few people
|like OP's wife, and modern medicine is one of the first ones to
|go.
|u/OscarnBennyesmom - 1 month
|
|Hence why I told him to check.
|u/CBYuputka - 1 month
|
|i'd bet he comes in like op: hey doc, are deodorant pills
|safe for my kids doc: you know these things aren't even
|safe for an elephant right?
|u/BurgerThyme - 1 month
|
|Plus remind her that you and your sons are made of meat.
|u/jdt419 - 1 month
|
|She probably doesn't want to eat them
|u/TenderCactus410 - 1 month
|
|The problem was that she lost control
|u/Kajira4ever - 1 month
|
|I want to know what religion it is. It sounds more like a fringe cult
|imo. Buddhists, Hindu's and Jains may be all or mostly vegetarian but
|they don't say anything about deoderant, shirts etc. NTA and hoping
|for your sakes she has more trips away
|u/Infinite-Chapter2652 - 1 month
|
|NTA. your wife is the AH for FORCING her family to follow the same
|beliefs as she does. You cant control what other people do around you.
|this should be a unanimous decision between the two of you and your
|kids are old enough to choose for themselves
|u/RepresentativeGur250 - 1 month
|
|OP said it was because his wife converted to a new religion. Which
|religion expects you to be vegan and use deodorant pills? I’m
|genuinely asking because I’ve never come across it before.
|Obviously Judaism and Islam rule out pork. But I’ve not heard of a
|religion that rules out all meat and animal products. Edit: wow,
|thank you for the abundance of answers to my question! I didn’t
|expect that many!
|u/greyhammer14 - 1 month
|
|I think OP meant to say cult.
|u/Naugrimwae - 1 month
|
|Hmm alienation of the family is the next step. Either they
|also convert or they get othered.
|u/Renegade_Scholar - 1 month
|
|This might be how they alienate her...
|u/PO0tyTng - 1 month
|
|Vegan CrossFit-ism
|u/WhyBuyMe - 1 month
|
|CultFit
|u/ExMaese - 1 month
|
|I think this comment doesnt have the number of upvotes it
|deserves
|u/agpharm17 - 1 month
|
|They’re all carnivores now. Have they told you about their
|lord and savior, Sean Baker?
|u/Jarl_Of_Science - 1 month
|
|Just wait til Hubby and kids are made to go to
|"retreats"....then they'll be dragged into the cult too. It's
|giving weird Jonestown/Bagwan cult vibes....or Ruby Frankie
|vibes
|u/kalas_aran - 1 month
|
|Don't drink the flavor aid
|u/Farting_Champion - 1 month
|
|It was Flavor Aid*
|u/Necessary-Love7802 - 1 month
|
|I read this as Jonestown/Bagel at first and was trying to
|figure out where I could join the cult that worships bagels
|u/asafeplaceofrest - 1 month
|
|And they deny you meat and animal products because you need
|those to get the nutrients you need in order to be strong and
|resist psychological manipulation.
|u/kirblar - 1 month
|
|This is a deliberate form of social control on the cult's
|part to push her away from her family.
|u/LastLostCause - 1 month
|
|I knew a girl who liked to say, "I am Dyslexia of Borg.
|Your ass will be laminated." 😆
|u/LittleGreyLambie - 1 month
|
|Cool, I've always wanted a laminated ass! So much
|easier to keep clean, ya know? 🤣
|u/Chzncna2112 - 1 month
|
|Greetings fellow Borg
|u/Naugrimwae - 1 month
|
|Spoken like someone who isnt clear and is a SP./s
|u/Significant_Layer857 - 1 month
|
|Absolutely
|u/queenofthepalmtrees - 1 month
|
|Don’t drink the Cool-aid.
|u/bailahey - 1 month
|
|Hinduism and some forms of Buddhism don't allow meat.
|u/susgela - 1 month
|
|Both religions practice vegetarianism but not to the extreme
|OP’s wife is taking it… as a Hindu (who eats all meat except
|beef but also “fast” [vegetarian]) this sounds more cult-y
|than what is commonly practiced in these
|religions/cultures/customs
|u/-tacostacostacos - 1 month
|
|Sounds like 7th Day Adventist to me. They are hella weird and
|repressive.
|u/Intermountain-Gal - 1 month
|
|I attended Loma Linda University on their medical campus.
|They are meatless, but the ones I knew ate some animal
|products, except pork and bottom-feeding fish/crustaceans.
|However, going without deodorant or wearing exclusively
|plant-based clothing isn’t their thing, or it wasn’t then.
|u/carinaeletoile - 1 month
|
|My cousin left Catholicism for 7th day. She came back to
|Catholicism after less than 4 months. She missed eating
|pork and all meat. 🤣🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️
|u/accidentalvirtues - 1 month
|
|Grew up SDA… it really does read as such.
|u/Immaculate_Erection - 1 month
|
|I've known a ton of 7th day Adventists, most vegetarian,
|none vegan.
|u/Darkjoy82 - 1 month
|
|Not always true. I was raised 7th Day Adventist and we just
|couldn't eat pork or shellfish. Honestly I was more bummed
|we weren't allowed to celebrate my birthday. My
|grandparents wouldn't let my parents take Christmas away
|though 😂
|u/fishflower - 1 month
|
|My cousins husband joined this church/belief and suddenly
|they were vegetarians. He also banned celebrations of
|holidays, and birthdays. And it was frowned upon to wear
|pants or put on make up. Its weird.
|u/Emergency-Crab-7455 - 1 month
|
|To clear this up a bit....it is frowned upon for WOMEN to
|wear pants or put on makeup. Just don't want folks
|thinking the guys were running around pantless.
|u/ConnieHsv - 1 month
|
|I was thinking sda too. But the individual gets to decide
|how militant they want to be, the only widespread sda
|rules are no pork, no scavengers (catfish, shrimp etc)
|and church in Saturday. Some are vegetarian, some are
|vegan, and some are so very bound by the rules they've
|created for themselves. But this lady has gone crazy and
|wants to control the other ppl in the house.
|u/thedoctormarvel - 1 month
|
|My understanding was 7th day only pork and shellfish were
|not allowed. I remember a friend telling me it comes from
|alignment with Jewish tradition
|u/Darkjoy82 - 1 month
|
|Yup exactly! But more than alignment with Jewish
|tradition, we were taught these animals were unclean
|because they eat garbage. Also a lot of people were dying
|in the Bible days from eating these animals undercooked.
|There's many branches of SDA that actually allow you to
|eat those things now, because sanitation when it comes to
|handling these meats has gotten so much better. Weird
|right?
|u/thedoctormarvel - 1 month
|
|All of this makes so much sense! I love learning new
|things
|u/Necessary-Love7802 - 1 month
|
|This is what I understood as well. I used to go to a
|Wendy's that was on SDA property and they weren't allowed
|to sell bacon but everything else was the same as a
|normal Wendy's
|u/Pokeynono - 1 month
|
|I knew someone that was very offended when a JFC
|removed bacon from their ingredients because there was
|a large Muslim population in the area. She refused to
|believe me when I pointed out other religions can have
|dietary restrictions too . EDIT. I just realised I
|typed JFC instead of KFC . I'm leaving it here as a
|shrine to accidentally making an epic fat finger fuck
|up
|u/NotOnApprovedList - 1 month
|
|I had a neighbor who converted to 7th Day Adventist and
|suddenly became this super uptight person almost overnight.
|Gave up fun stuff she loved and became a prude who handed
|out carrot sticks.
|u/Doggonana - 1 month
|
|I’m a Seventh Day Adventist and I eat meat, wear deodorant,
|and clothing made of any type of fabric. By the definition
|of a cult, we are not a cult. However, as in any religious
|organization there are some members who go completely
|overboard. Unfortunately we attract people who are looking
|for something different, but if a little is good , a lot is
|better. Some people feel that the only way they are “doing
|it right” is to become a zealot. Whether she is an SDA or
|not, her religion and beliefs should not be imposed upon
|her family. She doesn’t have the right to dictate choices
|for everyone, especially for her adult, fully autonomous
|husband.
|u/Bhartiya007 - 1 month
|
|Incorrect Hinduism allows all kinds of meat( Hinduism is very
|inclusive).. Jainism is pure vegetarianism
|u/Bhartiya007 - 1 month
|
|But that’s personal belief.. Hinduism allows you that
|choice .. you can or cannot have meat .. there is no rule
|that blocks you either way
|u/Schmorganski - 1 month
|
|I’m a Jain now.
|u/Lily_Roza - 1 month
|
|There are mighty few Jains around. Funny how a post will
|state: "My wife converted to a religion that..." but
|doesn't tell us the religion, why? Then we spend the
|whole thread trying to figure out the religion.
|u/Bhartiya007 - 1 month
|
|Only cows are restricted as they are considered sacred
|u/wbgraphic - 1 month
|
|My first day of college, I started shooting the breeze
|with another guy waiting for class to start. After class,
|we decided to get lunch. We walked across the street to
|Wendy’s, where I got a burger and he got a chicken
|sandwich. As we talked and ate, he mentioned that he was
|Hindu. Aghast, I began apologizing for any offense I may
|have caused for eating beef in front of him. He replied,
|“Nah, it’s cool. *I’m* Hindu, you’re not.”
|u/Clean-Fisherman-4601 - 1 month
|
|Actually only some forms of Hinduism don't eat meat. Jains
|don't eat any flesh or root vegetables, which would upset me
|because garlic is soul food in my family.
|u/dakupoguy - 1 month
|
|Probably Seventh Day Adventist.
|u/XxJayLenosNosexX - 1 month
|
|Vegatin City! Their leader is Pope Cucumber IX
|u/SquirrelOpen198 - 1 month
|
|Many forms of Hinduism Edit: the pills are just wild though
|u/Apate_speculo - 1 month
|
|This, my parent converted and what op is describing was my
|childhood.
|u/Mimis_rule - 1 month
|
|Which is why siblings and I left at 17 and 18! Forcing strong
|beliefs in your family isn't a positive way to make your
|loved ones choose to join after being forced!
|u/Altruistic-Text3481 - 1 month
|
|Agreed ! Evangelicalism was forced down my throat. I
|accepted the “*Jesus*” into my heart as my “*Lord and
|personal savior*” at least 5 times because I kept doing it
|wrong. My older sister scolded me,”you’re always accepting
|Jesus and walking down the aisle! You’re not allowed to do
|that!” But I felt empty inside without any “peace in my
|heart that passes understanding”. The Preacher at the
|rally would whip up my tween/teenager emotions and get me
|crying and feeling like a total loser for being a human
|born of sin and moral decay… I’d better sign up ASAP or go
|to Hell! So I kept going up to the pulpit. And then
|crickets. Jesus never showed up as my “personal savior” …
|I was on my own. Then my parents friend - church deacon
|and bicycle ministry leader - perved on 13 year old me.
|I’m 61 now. It was the beginning of losing my religion and
|losing the trust of all the Evangelical adults. So I left
|the idiocy of Evangelicalism Cultism and understand how
|people get sucked in under the context of “sin!” OP is
|NTAH and his wife is getting radicalized by dark forces he
|should look into. Veganism is fine but OP’s wife will
|never find the food purity life she so desperately seeks
|for her new found faith. She is on a never ending road of
|separation, self destruction & self loathing. All so
|someone can save her soul with expensive vegan deodorant
|pills and vegan cream.
|u/JFcas - 1 month
|
|I used to get thrown out of Sunday school for asking not
|just too many questions but also wrong questions! My dad
|used to say I was going to be a lawyer because I could
|argue almost anyone into a corner before I was 10 years
|old. Knew religion had nothing for me way back then as
|it made no sense!
|u/yumyum_cat - 1 month
|
|And Judaism is the exact opposite you’re encouraged to
|ask as many questions as you possibly can. In fact our
|religion developed that way. This is my way of saying
|with those who say all religions are like her that all
|religions are called. Don’t know what the hell they’re
|talking about. But they certainly don’t know anything
|about Judaism.
|u/Trick-Statistician10 - 1 month
|
|This is so well said
|u/TheWildcatGrad - 1 month
|
|Thank you for writing that. I lost count how many times I
|tried accepting Jesus into my heart. Always thinking I
|was doing something wrong and would end up in hell. It
|was the source of so much childhood anxiety. While I'm
|not glad you suffered, I feel less crazy knowing someone
|else felt the same way.
|u/Sufficient-Bar-7399 - 1 month
|
|I could never speak in tongues, so thought I wasn't
|really saved. I became Catholic. I know everyone says
|Catholic GUILT, but I don't have any. My husband
|couldn't find me the other day in the house and when he
|finally did, he said, "I thought I got left behind".
|He attended with me some as a teen, was baptized
|Catholic, but never regularly attended until Easter one
|year he said let's plan to go, back in 1990 or so and
|we never left. So sad that he had that same guilt just
|by attending with me.
|u/Altruistic-Text3481 - 1 month
|
|We can start a club. I do not think we are not the
|exception but probably the majority. So many
|Trumpers will need to leave the Trump faith behind
|them. And rejoin reality. Both you and I will know
|how hard it will be for them. They will feel loss and
|self doubt and get depressed with anxiety. They will
|feel stoopid for being grifted. But welcome them
|back we must. We are American’s after all. I think
|a need a margarita now. My son is making guacamole!
|u/Educational_Pair_276 - 1 month
|
|Hindu by birth but lots of Hindus eat meat - cue butter chicken
|lol. But yea some practice a bit too extreme in terms of being
|vegetarian but I have never heard anyone swap out deodorant and
|all. This is definitely some cult.
|u/SugarBeefs - 1 month
|
|And even then a lot of Hindus are *vegetarian*, right?
|They're not swearing off dairy or substituting eggs like OP's
|crazy wife is.
|u/RoboTwigs - 1 month
|
|We had people upset at work that they signed up for
|vegetarian lunches but couldn’t eat it because it contained
|eggs and dairy. They were from India, not sure what
|religion I didn’t ask.
|u/SugarBeefs - 1 month
|
|Interesting. Getting quite a few replies that do say eggs
|are in a bit of a weird spot in Hinduism and my Google-fu
|confirms this. Not as popular as I thought, the eggs.
|u/azhula - 1 month
|
|It varies a lot based on region, think of Hinduism as a
|blanket term like Christianity, and different regions
|have different branches (ie Catholicism, Protestant,
|etc). I have a coworker who is Hare Krishna and they do
|not eat any meat, I think no eggs, and no garlic or
|onions
|u/SugarBeefs - 1 month
|
|> and no garlic or onions Okay listen, that's a
|crime against culinary ethics and humanity. These
|people need to be reined in!
|u/caffeinefree - 1 month
|
|It depends. Some sects are more strict than others. There
|are a few that are basically vegan. My best friend is
|Indian-American and grew up with her parents participating
|in a pretty cult-y sect of Hinduism. They are strict
|vegetarians, but some of their friends are even stricter
|and are basically vegan.
|u/dk91939 - 1 month
|
|Milk, ghee from cow milk, honey are part of many prayer
|rituals and offerings, so yes the religion at large doesn't
|forbid it. Maybe some sects do. Eggs are a weird spot.
|Some people consider them vegetarian, some consider it non-
|vegetarian since it is pre-evolved form of meat. I think in
|the end it comes down to personal beliefs and opinions.
|u/Good_Focus2665 - 1 month
|
|Growing up I met uncles and auntijis who would lecture me
|about the cancer causing evilness of deodorants. Kind of
|thought they went away in the 00s. Guess their kids grew up
|and took over. There is definitely a section of Hindus who
|aren’t big on deodorants either. 
|u/doglady1342 - 1 month
|
|A lot of people are still concerned about the aluminum in
|antiperspirants. It used to be thought that the aluminum in
|it could cause Alzheimer's. Basically studies haven't been
|able to find any true link between the two. The thing is,
|people have long memories and when fear-mongering
|"journalists" make a big deal out of something, it stays in
|people's minds, especially since those same writers only
|whisper "oh yeah...that wasn't accurate" when things get
|disproven.
|u/TheOneWithThePorn12 - 1 month
|
|and there are just as many that dont. source literally my
|family. There are certain meats they wont eat like Pork and
|Beef. Beyond that is the individuals choice. operative word
|being individual. I have an uncle that can cook every kind of
|meat there is and he is vegetarian.
|u/ideaxanaxot - 1 month
|
|My first guess was Hare Krishna, but I might be wrong.
|u/Unholy_mess169 - 1 month
|
|My guess is a granola-esque rabbit hole. Once she started
|searching vegetarian recipes the algorithm just kept giving her
|crunchier and crunchier results, and now she's gone full internet
|hippie.
|u/Historical-Tough6455 - 1 month
|
|A lot of Christian fundamentalists also fall into the "it's
|natural" rabbit. They're anti Vax, anti gmo, and all about
|organic thus and that. They've equated natural with godliness
|u/CheesecakeEither8220 - 1 month
|
|The Bible also says to love your neighbor, so I'm wearing
|deodorant!
|u/Historical-Tough6455 - 1 month
|
|Bible also says slavery is OK and it's not rape if the
|woman doesn't yell loud enough. So maybe 3000 year old
|tribal beliefs aren't 100%water tight.
|u/transmogrified - 1 month
|
|Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism, and Sikhism all have varying degrees
|of vegetarianism/veganism. The deodorant pills thing reeks of
|white lady versions of all of the above.
|u/RugBurn70 - 1 month
|
|I knew some Buddhists that didn't believe in eating meat or using
|animal products.
|u/mangomaries - 1 month
|
|Buddhism in every version I have seen does not push their food
|choices on other people and even among Buddhists it is usually
|a choice that not all follow. Edited to change practices to
|food choices because my comment was never meant to be about all
|buddhist practices.
|u/LengzhaiCS - 1 month
|
|Yes. My family are all Buddhists but we aren't forced to do
|things we don't like. For example, my mom can't eat beef. She
|encourages us not to eat too but she did not force it upon
|us. Anyway, the rest of us including my dad loves beef so we
|eat it quite often. 😄
|u/RugBurn70 - 1 month
|
|I admit that I don't know a lot about Buddhism, only knowing
|one family who practices. And I realize that one person being
|very uptight, does not define an entire religion. The
|husband is really laid back and mellow about religion, and
|everything else. The wife is very pushy about her beliefs,
|reminds me a lot of what op is saying about his wife. Some
|of her house rules, and, to be fair, I think you're totally
|fine to have whatever rules you want for guests in your own
|home, don't like it, then don't visit. Follow a vegan diet
|for at least two days before visiting them, so you're detoxed
|of animal products. She especially doesn't want any animal
|products to be pooped out in the toilet at her house. No
|deodorant used when visiting her home, because they contain
|toxic chemicals. No makeup worn that contains animal products
|or metals. No artificial perfumes worn. No leather worn
|around them, not just in their home, but at all. Leaving your
|Berks in your car, in their driveway, isn't allowed. I can't
|remember all her other rules, it's been over 30 years since I
|visited them.
|u/Old-AF - 1 month
|
|I wouldn’t ever visit her house.
|u/RugBurn70 - 1 month
|
|That's why I haven't visited in over 30 years. I have no
|problem eating vegan or squirrels or whatever the home
|owner eats, their house, their rules. But don't take away
|my deodorant lol
|u/hepzebeth - 1 month
|
|You really don't wanna be around me without deodorant
|for more than, say, 24 hours. I sweat a lot.
|u/MakeAWishApe2Moon - 1 month
|
|It's probably been over 30 years since *anyone* has visited
|them.
|u/RugBurn70 - 1 month
|
|Lol you're probably right. Her brother gets a hotel, and
|meets them at a park when he visits them.
|u/EQ4AllOfUs - 1 month
|
|Made me snort.
|u/BreakingForce - 1 month
|
|It's one thing if you live alone or with a family who all
|agree with your rules. It's another entirely to live with
|your family, be the only practicing member of a restrictive
|religion, and unilaterally decide that the rest of your
|family can no longer eat the things they enjoy. This one is
|not ok.
|u/RugBurn70 - 1 month
|
|I agree. The wife of the couple I know reminds me a lot
|of op's wife. She was way more vigilant about the
|situation than her husband. They hadn't gotten married,
|or had kids yet. Had been together about 15 years, were
|already long time vegetarians. She gave him the option of
|following the same lifestyle, or splitting up, he chose
|to stay together.
|u/Mewone65 - 1 month
|
|Did she have fecal traps or something so she could analyze
|bowel movements? Jesus Christ💩💩...
|u/RugBurn70 - 1 month
|
|She claimed she could smell meat in your sweat lol
|u/FragrantOpportunity3 - 1 month
|
|I'm sure what she is smelling is the result of her no
|deodorant rule.
|u/RugBurn70 - 1 month
|
|Yeah, I love wearing patchouli oil as perfume, but it
|definitely doesn't work as good as Secret deodorant
|lol
|u/Level-Repair6104 - 1 month
|
|It’s true, you do sweat out what you eat. When I was
|stationed in South Korea the smell of kimchi was very
|strong to me but I became nose blind within 1-2 weeks.
|My ex was stationed there and asked a Korean soldier
|what Americans smelled like to them and he was told
|beer and meat, because they ate a lot of red meat and
|drank a lot of beer that made sense. Americans do eat
|a lot of meat, especially beef and pork so it’s like a
|signature scent.
|u/RugBurn70 - 1 month
|
|Kimchi is definitely strong smelling. I had a boss
|that made and sold kimchi. She'd make it at work,
|leave it in the walk in. She said originally she'd
|make it at home, then bring it in. Until she had a
|five gallon bucket of kimchi tip over in her car🤢
|I've never noticed the smell of meat sweat, but beer
|sweat definitely has a smell.
|u/LostGirl1976 - 1 month
|
|Guy who used to work for me lived in a Polish
|household. He smelled really bad whenever he was
|around. Thing is, he wasn't really sweaty (like
|wet), just horribly smelly. It was horrific, as in I
|had to leave the room. I finally found out one day
|from another worker that it had something to do with
|the spices that his family ate a LOT of every single
|day. Evidently they were so imbedded in him that
|they just came out through his pores.
|u/koshgeo - 1 month
|
|There's a pretty distinct difference in smell if you're
|eating meat. I randomly alternate between vegetarian
|meals and non-vegetarian over a few days, and I've
|noticed a difference in (ahem) output. I'm not
|vegetarian either, so for someone who isn't regularly
|around it, maybe it's more noticeable. I notice a whole
|lot more difference if I've eaten a lot of garlic,
|onions, or some other spices, regardless of the
|composition of the main part of the meal. Garlic
|practically sweats out of every pore too. That being
|said, expecting your guests to "cleanse" themselves is a
|bit much. Just turn on the bathroom fan or designate a
|separate guest bathroom if you've got it. I respect a
|host's wishes, but I would be inclined to visit
|infrequently with someone who had expectations like that.
|u/SqueakyKnees007 - 1 month
|
|You are supposed to do a courtesy flush, bro.
|u/therealstabitha - 1 month
|
|This sounds like New Age stuff, not really Buddhism. New
|age appropriates a lot from eastern religions and then
|makes a hard left turn into WTF. Actual Buddhists don’t
|take deodorant pills or forbid meat poops. Vajrayana
|Buddhists (the Dalai Lama) even eat meat.
|u/RugBurn70 - 1 month
|
|Yeah that's definitely part of it. They converted in the
|80s, after living in a commune in Japan for about ten
|years. The deodorant pills are a new thing to me, never
|heard of them before this post. Most of the anti-
|deodorant people I know use a rock crystal that you get
|wet or lavender or patchouli oil in their pits.
|u/drinking_child_blood - 1 month
|
|Honestly I think alum crystal would be off the table
|for this lady cos it's an aluminum crystal
|u/Relevant-Current-870 - 1 month
|
|How would she know though?
|u/RugBurn70 - 1 month
|
|She did claim to be able to smell meat in your sweat, but
|idk that seems a little out there to me. It was more that
|guests should be on the honor system. I would never
|disrespect someone's house rules. If I don't wanna follow
|your rules, I just won't visit your home. I'm a meat
|eater, but don't mind eating vegan/vegetarian when I'm at
|another person's house. I mainly had a problem with the
|no deodorant or makeup. I don't even wear that much
|makeup just eyeshadow and mascara in public. But, I'm a
|firm believer in deodorant. Real deodorant, not rubbing
|my pits with a wet rock crystal. I blame it on my 1970s
|childhood, being hugged by too many hairy, smelly
|hippies lol
|u/Ok-Reporter-196 - 1 month
|
|She doesn’t want you wearing deodorant or perfume so
|she can call you out on the meat sweats lol. It sounds
|like visiting her isn’t the religious experience she
|thinks it is 😂
|u/vyrus2021 - 1 month
|
|So before entering their home you abstained from eating
|meat for 2 days?
|u/Relevant-Current-870 - 1 month
|
|She would be hard pressed to prove it. Like “make me”.
|I wouldn’t visit either but my petty ass would be
|covert proving to her that what she said is bullshit .
|As for respecting her house rules I agree it’s
|important to a point but if others live with her then I
|would tell her to go fly a kite. Cuz they get a say.
|It’s their house too.
|u/AreYouNigerianBaby - 1 month
|
|Commenting on AITAH For Secretly Cheating On Our Vegetarian
|Diet That My Wife Made Our Family Do?...my Berks are
|plastic, lol
|u/Jealous-Entrance4015 - 1 month
|
|Yes, and there is a famous story of a Buddhist monk who ate a
|hamburger and all of his students asked. What are you doing
|because he’s a vegetarian. he said I am also a guest and
|this is what was offered to me and I am grateful.
|u/Dirmb - 1 month
|
|Yeah, a trope or tradition with Buddhist monks is that they
|will eat whatever is offered. As a beggar or a guest you
|are to eat what is offered, it is worse to be ungrateful
|than uphold dietary restrictions. One of the common
|stories of the death of the Buddha is that he was given
|either poisonous mushrooms or tainted pork and he ate it
|and then died. Before he died he was said to have forgiven
|the man who gave him the deadly food.
|u/Relevant-Current-870 - 1 month
|
|I get that but every religion or belief system has people or
|adherents who push it to the extreme and make up their own
|bullshit. Every freaking time!!
|u/Pale_Papaya_531 - 1 month
|
|There are extremists in every religion. And while we don't
|get Sikh, Buddhist, amd Hindu extremist much in the west.
|They certainly exist and have all been responsible for
|something awful somewhere in the world on the past 20 years
|alone in different parts of the Asian continent.
|u/factorioleum - 1 month
|
|Sadly, there are militant Buddhists who engage in religious
|wars that border on genocide. See Sri Lanka and Burma.
|Coming from a family with many Buddhists, my experience is
|inconsistent with yours.
|u/LongJohnSelenium - 1 month
|
|There's no creed so powerful it can overcome the human
|desire to be a dick about it.
|u/SuluSpeaks - 1 month
|
|The using animal products is not original to the religion. They
|wore leather sandals, for instance. My sister is a life
|longvegetarian. After 10 years, she gave up wearing all man-
|made shoes. She said they never lasted and ended up in the
|landfill.
|u/RugBurn70 - 1 month
|
|I totally understand that, grew up in the 70s, live in the
|PNW lol
|u/primordial_chaos_007 - 1 month
|
|Buddhism is one of the ultimate tolerant religion in existence.
|They would never push their ideology on anyone
|u/Cockroachens - 1 month
|
|She could be vegetarian for religious purposes, but taking it too
|seriously and cutting everything she doesn't see as clean out.
|u/readthethings13579 - 1 month
|
|This is part of what makes it seem like Seventh Day Advent to
|me. Not all SDA members are vegan or vegetarian, but the ones
|I’ve met who are tend to go super overboard with it, Mrs. Kim
|from Gilmore Girls style.
|u/CharmingChangling - 1 month
|
|Not to armchair diagnose, but I wonder if this is underlying
|OCD leading to an "impure" feeling when exposed and an
|obsessive need to be "clean". I say this as someone with OCD
|u/OkayPlantain14 - 1 month
|
|Seventh day adventists don't eat meat. Deodorant pills? Sounds
|like a personal decision (though I use a natural deodorant stone,
|I would never take a pill - who knows how that messes with you
|internally).
|u/newbie527 - 1 month
|
|SDA can eat meat. There is a tradition of vegetarianism from
|the founders of the church that many members still follow. They
|are expected to follow Old Testament rules as to what is
|considered clean. Pork and shellfish, for instance, are out. My
|wife is SDA. She doesn’t try to force her beliefs on me, though
|I do respect them.
|u/FlufficornX - 1 month
|
|I’m with you on this. I was raised SDA, both sets of
|grandparents were. Most aunts, uncles, cousins. While
|vegetarianism is encouraged, it’s part of their “health
|message” and not part of the religion itself. Many -many-
|Adventists eat meat. But it must be Old Testament kosher (not
|the same as orthodox Jewish practice). Things have to have
|cloven hooves, chew their cud. If it’s from the water it has
|to have scales. Anyhow. If this lady was SDA it would be an
|offshoot and very extreme.
|u/Foundsomething24 - 1 month
|
|It’s like saying “Mormons can/can’t take multiple wives…”
|there’s a sect that says you can, there’s one that says you
|can’t, and one that says you have to. SDA, can’t eat meat.
|If you ask the ones who don’t eat meat. If you ask your
|wife… they can.
|u/GameToLose - 1 month
|
|My SDA dad was also anti standard deodorant. They are anti
|anything “unhealthy”. They take “your body is a temple” VERY
|seriously.
|u/HerMastersMuse - 1 month
|
|Its probably just chlorella though. I take it and its
|harmless.
|u/Fertile_Arachnid_163 - 1 month
|
|Read as cholera and was very confused.
|u/dog_lady827 - 1 month
|
|Same
|u/JowDow42 - 1 month
|
|What is a natural deodorant stone??
|u/OkayPlantain14 - 1 month
|
|JowDow42 it's basically a rounded block of salt. You wet it
|then rub it under your arms. Me and my very athletic son both
|use it, and it works great.
|u/Zelaznogtreborknarf - 1 month
|
|https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jainism for one example.
|u/Maine302 - 1 month
|
|I stopped reading when I saw their practices include shunning
|clothes. Is that next. Why should anyone be forced to follow
|the dictums of another's religion?
|u/CalebRaw - 1 month
|
|I think Jainists have historically even walked about carrying
|a broom to sweep in front of them as they walk so as not to
|kill even the smallest of lives (I.e. bugs)
|u/BiasedLibrary - 1 month
|
|Jainists are pretty cool in that way. I look at the ground
|when walking so I don't step on bugs/snails, but I'm not a
|Jainist.
|u/Snuggleworthy - 1 month
|
|Tends to be the monks and nuns that do these extremes
|u/50CentButInNickels - 1 month
|
|Do they think they can't kill bugs with a broom
|accidentally?
|u/GSTLT - 1 month
|
|It’s about the practice of being conscious of their
|impact. They are aware that they don’t have zero impact.
|The Jains have been around A LONG TIME. Estimates range
|from 2500 years ago to before the Vedas (OG Hindu texts)
|even existed, which would put them at 3500 years ago at
|the latest.
|u/Zelaznogtreborknarf - 1 month
|
|I'm not a follower, just pointing out there are some
|religions who don't eat meat at all (and go further).
|u/Good_Focus2665 - 1 month
|
|I had a lot of Jain friends growing up. They all wore
|clothes. I’d argue I but more than needed for the weather
|honestly. 
|u/RepresentativeGur250 - 1 month
|
|Thank you!
|u/i_was_a_person_once - 1 month
|
|I had a coworker who was Jain. Very cool religion imo. It’s
|very non-hypocritical. Like they don’t pick and choose their
|morals. Also they don’t just not eat animal products or try
|not to kill bugs. They won’t eat vegetables where if you eat it
|that kills the whole plant (like garlic, onion, potatoes) if
|you eat an apple the tree grows on but if you eat the onion the
|plant won’t survive. Although I don’t think this is practiced
|as strictly
|u/Nopeahontas - 1 month
|
|Not all vegetarians are deranged - I’ve been a vegetarian for
|over 30 years (in my case it’s due to sensory issues rather
|than ethics or religion, I will *gag* if I try to eat meat).
|I don’t force my dietary choices on anyone else, I cook meat
|for my husband and son, I use and consume things which
|contain animal products (collagen, honey, cheese, eggs), I
|wear leather, etc. So while I am surely deranged in some way,
|my vegetarianism is probably the least offending thing about
|me. Vegans are usually the crazy ones.
|u/dazednconfusedxo - 1 month
|
|Literally the first thought in my mind. No shade, I just
|remembered it from my world religions class in college.
|u/alimweber - 1 month
|
|My friends practice Hinduism and they are vegetarian, I don't
|know if its actually because of the religion or just simply a
|coincidence, but yeah..they definitely use regular deodorant and
|everything else though..it's not that extreme. They just don't
|eat meat. Some of them do eat fish.
|u/Icy-Avocado-3672 - 1 month
|
|I was friends with some Hare Krishnas, and they were vegetarian
|but not full on vegan. They wouldn't eat eggs, but dairy products
|like cheese, milk & yogurt were ok. I have no idea what kind of
|religion bans deodorant, though. That's a new one.
|u/coozehound3000 - 1 month
|
|Sounds like a bullshit made up religion. Oh wait…
|u/NanrekTheBarbituate - 1 month
|
|NTA but I wouldn’t support her decision to join any religion as
|an adult because now she has them driving a wedge between
|y’all. Happens every time
|u/Apart_Foundation1702 - 1 month
|
|Right! If she keeps forcing her 'values' onto her family, she
|wouldn't have a family left! Their love for her will turn to
|resentment and hate! She has zero right to force her
|lifestyle/beliefs onto anyone else! By the way, it doesn't
|sound like a religion to me it sounds like some sort of
|movement. NTA, OP, you have the right to eat meat if you
|want. She's claiming it's supporting it, but in reality, it
|is really just manipulation.
|u/Final-Duty-2944 - 1 month
|
|You just described every religion 🤣
|u/shikimasan - 1 month
|
|Kare krishnas don’t eat meat I don’t think?
|u/ATLien_3000 - 1 month
|
|[BAPS](https://www.baps.org/home.aspx) (which is a fairly
|sizeable Hindu sect) adherents are vegetarian, for one.
|u/theonetoseethethings - 1 month
|
|I just assumed the body care products were due to “clean living”
|purposes. If it’s an eastern tradition it could be because she’s
|following Ayurveda or traditional Chinese medicine.
|u/hiroclown - 1 month
|
|Certain sects of Buddhism, Hinduism and Jainism are vegan to
|answer your question
|u/Money_Royal1823 - 1 month
|
|Well, there is Jain but I don’t think you can convert to it.
|Veganism is pretty close to a religion at this point.
|u/Nopeahontas - 1 month
|
|Most Rastafarians eat a vegetarian or pescatarian diet, and so do
|most Seventh-Day Adventists (I think). I am not aware of any
|religion which states that you must not use any animal products
|whatsoever and that you must force your restrictions upon every
|member of your household. OP’s wife is in a cult.
|u/Dramatic-but-Aware - 1 month
|
|My best guess is a neo cultlike religion loosely based on eastern
|beliefs like budism or hubduism.
|u/HealMySoulPlz - 1 month
|
|Seventh-Day Adventism, Hinduism, Jainism. To name a few. My money
|is on Seventh-Day Adventists.
|u/ColdSmashedPotatoes4 - 1 month
|
|Sounds like it may even be Seventh Day Adventists, if not
|Hinduism.
|u/Performance_Lanky - 1 month
|
|She sounds like a massive douche.
|u/RevolutionaryFix8849 - 1 month
|
|Yup ...she can do whatever she wants but she shouldn't change the
|whole world for the rest of her family (Food is a monumental part
|of our lives so it a very,very big deal)
|u/Performance_Lanky - 1 month
|
|Yeah, the OP and his kids tried it, didn’t like it, that should
|have been the end of it.
|u/Sithism - 1 month
|
|My mon is a die-hard vegan, and I told her she can either
|not talk about it or not visit, pick one. For years,
|she wouldn't shut up about it and wondered why people
|didn't invite her places. I can't believe I had to explain
|it to her.
|u/Robynpollock13 - 1 month
|
|Vegans particularly. I know alot of vegetarians that could
|care either way.. but vegans are like a cult that judges
|everyone
|u/Bice_thePrecious - 1 month
|
|This- >I should respect the decisions made by my wife, even if
|they're "tough" and "inconvenient" -makes me a little angry. I
|just feel that "tough" and "inconvenient" are not completely
|correct here. Demanding your entire family stop consuming
|animal products because *you* have is not *"tough"* or
|*"inconvenient".* That's straight-up asshole-ish.
|u/SnooMacarons4844 - 1 month
|
|Yeah, OP needs to get a back bone here. Imagine being a grown
|man ‘sneaking meat’ when wife is away and then ‘being in
|trouble’ when she gets home. You’d think they thru a rager
|w/strippers & drugs. Wtf. NTA OP, you’re barely getting
|this vote and not bcuz you snuck meat. Get a grip and start
|acting like a *partner* that makes *decisions* in your own
|home, instead of a child that needs to sneak food. Go to the
|store and buy meat, eggs, deodorant and whatever else you’ve
|been forced to give up. Your wife doesn’t get to unilaterally
|decide for the entire family these massive changes like she’s
|some sort of dictator. If you don’t stand up for yourself
|*and* your sons, then Y T A.
|u/Bice_thePrecious - 1 month
|
|Some very good points here. Why *isn't* he buying things,
|though? WTH. That doesn't make sense. You want meat, OP?
|Buy yourself some meat. OP probably *should* grow a
|backbone. It's kind of *next-level* sad that the boys'
|friends have to sneak meat over to them.
|u/yukonlass - 1 month
|
|Agreed. Also, why is OP's wife the one who gets to make the
|decisions?
|u/rockmusicsavesmymind - 1 month
|
|Hahaha, YUP!!!! Get some backbone, I would not go to their
|cookouts!!!!
|u/jdaniels889 - 1 month
|
|There's nothing there to cook outside bro
|u/ladyj2123 - 1 month
|
|Grilled veggies are really good, tho! But yea it's much
|better with some meat
|u/kristinpeanuts - 1 month
|
|Yeah I did veggie kebabs on the BBQ the last time we
|hosted. They were good. Just as popular as the meat and veg
|ones
|u/hushpuffies - 1 month
|
|Yes, but remember, only vegetarian douche from now on!
|u/CalebRaw - 1 month
|
|Yeah it slipped from a personal choice that had no effect on the
|family —> personal choice that affected the family simply because
|she didn’t want to be around the stuff —> choice she makes for the
|family even when she’s not around. Shouldn’t it be fine for them
|to eat meat when they’re not around the mother? That would be the
|case if she only had an issue with being around it and consuming it
|personally.
|u/Sithism - 1 month
|
|It is fine. She's just an idiot.
|u/froglover215 - 1 month
|
|What they can eat when *she's not even there.* I have some sympathy
|to the "I don't want to be around it" argument but she wasn't even
|there!
|u/Analyzer9 - 1 month
|
|Sympathy for her, in that she needs to leave, while they go about
|their lives as normal, since she is the one that doesn't like
|being around it.
|u/50CentButInNickels - 1 month
|
|Yeah, and one person not wanting to be around meat all of a
|sudden is not a valid reason for no meat to be allowed in the
|house. Her changing values is not something they need to
|coddle.
|u/Von_Moistus - 1 month
|
|"My religion says I can't do that." Fine, that's your choice,
|more power to ya for sticking with it. "My religion says
|*you* can't do that." OK, now we have an issue.
|u/Stormtomcat - 1 month
|
|>being around some of this stuff was really hard for her, and
|wanted us to support her they waited till she was gone & it still
|wasn't enough. I mean, I get it : if your values change it's hard
|to see people you love rejecting the associated behaviour.... but
|that means you have a conversation about your values, and how you
|can find a compromise around that...
|u/Significant-Onion-21 - 1 month
|
|Isn’t it interesting how it’s most often religious people wanting
|to control how others live their lives?
|u/KILL3RGAME - 1 month
|
|I'd say it's assholes of all kinds who think their way of life is
|best and everyone else is wrong to not want to partake.
|u/Thin5kinnedM0ds5uck - 1 month
|
|Explain vegans then because they are some of the most obnoxious
|people on earth.   Every one I have ever known thinks they should
|have the right to dictate what the rest of the world eats.
|u/theemmyk - 1 month
|
|While it's not right to force anyone to do anything, OP should be
|prepared for her to leave him. A lot of vegans and vegetarians do
|not want to date or be married to omnivores. This may be her
|journey. If OP is not willing to be part of it, that's fine, but
|his marriage may end as a result.
|u/No-Bet1288 - 1 month
|
|Poor kids.
|u/Relevant-Current-870 - 1 month
|
|It also speaks volumes that wife said what was convienent for her
|?? Like wtf?? And then gets mad others are annoyed or frustrated??
|u/EvilBeasty - 1 month
|
|Her diet, her choice. Your diet, your choice. She is quite within
|her rights not to cook meat if she doesn’t want to BUT SHE HAS NO
|RIGHT to dictate your opinions.
|u/plasmaSunflower - 1 month
|
|100 agree. I'm vegetarian and never ever expect my partner or her
|kid to follow suit. That's silly as fuck. But what is interesting
|is they both(mostly my partner) eat way less meat than before we
|met as if I'm rubbing off on them which I love. But it's entirely
|their decision and I never put pressure to not eat meat cause
|that's stupid. It's actually adorable cause her kid says he's
|vegetarian and a carnivore hahaha
|u/hamsandwich232 - 1 month
|
|OP says his wife's "values have changed" this seems like a red flag
|to me. Do those values still align with what OP thought he was
|marrying?
|u/Complete_Goose667 - 1 month
|
|Above. This is a flag and perhaps time for counselling so that
|respect runs both ways. The wife can't have a meat-free house just
|because she wants it.
|u/WolverineMinimum8691 - 1 month
|
|Clearly not given the way he and their boys have started needing to
|sneak around just to get some semblance of what they had before.
|Honestly it sounds like OP needs to get his wife into a
|deprogramming center.
|u/GrizzlyCodes - 1 month
|
|No his wife just needs to learn and accept her choices are hers
|alone. She can’t make wholesale family changes without the family
|being on board. So if her eating values have changed that’s cool
|but doesn’t mean everyone else’s will or have
|u/Sandybutthole604 - 1 month
|
|This. I’m sorry but you do not get to just upend your entire family
|and decide to become a religious zealot without everyone being on
|board. I’m sorry but it’s ’hard for her to be around’ products
|you’ve used your whole life? It sounds like this is a control
|thing. It sounds like it’s becoming abusive. You do not get to
|control the choices of others. Especially adults. Let her know she
|is making your life miserable and the kids, and that if you split
|she will only be able to control her own time. That you are going
|to live within your value and framework and that ‘supporting’ her
|does not include tolerating her attempts to control your diet or
|lifestyle especially when she is the one who changed the rule
|without your input. I don’t want to jump straight in, but stop
|catering to this and her tantrums. She needs a therapist, not a
|new religion. People don’t generally convert to a random religion
|in adulthood unless their spouse or family practices it, just
|getting a new religion and using it to control the household sounds
|less like faith and more like mental health issues and control
|issues.
|u/Spiritual_Oil_7411 - 1 month
|
|Upvote for religious zealot. There really is no other way to
|classify someone who forces their religion onto everyone around
|them, including young children.
|u/Bice_thePrecious - 1 month
|
|>she is the one who changed the rule without your input. This is
|obviously the main issue but I'm pissed for OP and the boys that
|the wife is *"DiSaPpOinTeD"* in them. *The agreement that your
|family would stop consuming animal products happened in your
|head, my dear. You don't get to be "disappointed"* they didn't
|follow through.
|u/Sandybutthole604 - 1 month
|
|This! Like was it even a discussion? Not only that, she’s
|‘disappointed’ in him for not following rules that he a) does
|not believe in b) apparently had no say in. I get super
|trigger about this crap with people around diets and I am sure
|it comes from food being one of the few things I never let
|anyone in my family or a couple really shitty controlling
|relationships have any say in. You do not control what goes in
|my body. To me personally his is a violation of the highest
|order and I would be separating based on this. You get one
|conversation with me to back off, the next shitty comment about
|my food and I’ll pack a bad wordlessly. Boundary up.
|u/Relevant-Current-870 - 1 month
|
|Also it’s telling us wife is upset that they are inconveniencing
|her but she doesn’t think she is to them. Like she expects respect
|and obedience but won’t give respect back and is making decisions
|unilaterally without her husbands or children’s consents.
|u/Creepy-Project38 - 1 month
|
|OP should have simply refused to take the diet so they wouldn't feel
|guilty for "cheating" whilst they're not
|u/DPlurker - 1 month
|
|Yes, exactly. Wife is still being an AH, but I would have said no
|and stood my ground. She has no right to choose a vegan diet for
|him.
|u/Infinite-Chapter2652 - 1 month
|
|its not that simple. him and the kids still ate meat while she had
|a gradual shift (most of the time its not super noticeable until it
|gets out of hand).
|u/goldplatedboobs - 1 month
|
|I mean, he could absolutely put his foot down long ago, when she
|started to force it constantly. Like sure if she buys some veg
|options for some things it isn't a problem. Also not a problem to
|introduce meatless meals when she cooks. But when the kids and
|the husband want meat, he should have bought some himself and
|cooked it himself. That would be the end of the discussion from
|me here.
|u/Zipzifical - 1 month
|
|As a devout vegetarian (not religious) of 35 years, I agree
|wholeheartedly. My kids will choose Morningstar veggie sausage over
|real sausage any day of the week, but they love meat, too. Especially
|when they were very small, I felt like it was important for them to
|try as many different food as possible, and the only thing I limited
|was junk food/sugar. Getting kids to eat healthy is hard enough
|without removing an ENTIRE food group. Trying to tell a full grown
|adult what they can and can't eat is just...insanity. I can't even
|imagine how my ex husband would have reacted if I'd told him he
|"wasn't allowed" to eat meat. Pffffffft. I think it is ok for OP's
|wife to refuse to cook meat. I am personally ok with cooking some
|meat like steak or anything frozen, but no way am I handling raw
|ground beef or chicken boobs, and I get why some vegetarians would
|refuse outright. Also, I'd take issue with having my spouse (or
|anyone, but especially my life partner) trying to shove a religion
|down my throat, and I'd be GODDAMNED if they'd be forcing it on my
|children. Nope nope nope.
|u/chica771 - 1 month
|
|"Chicken boobs"!?! Why have I never heard this before?
|u/MakingShitAwkward - 1 month
|
|There are these bra insert things that women can wear to enhance
|their cleavage. They're often called chicken fillets. Possibly
|related. Idk, I'm a guy.
|u/Jarl_Of_Science - 1 month
|
|Lmaooooo my partner and I call them the chicken tetas! My brother
|has also asked for a c-cup chicken breast for dinner when we were
|last at my parents, and my mum was horrified while the rest of us
|cracked up laughing.
|u/aDragonsAle - 1 month
|
|I've said "chicken tiddies" enough times my wife has said it in
|the store and realized what she said Managed not to laugh...
|Just barely
|u/50CentButInNickels - 1 month
|
|>My kids will choose Morningstar veggie sausage over real sausage
|any day of the week, but they love meat, too. It's just a shame
|veggie meat is just as unhealthy as real meat. Stop putting all
|this sugar in everything, please.
|u/TribeGuy330 - 1 month
|
|Agreed. The same way she thinks he should respect his wife's
|decision to not eat or be around meat, she should respect her
|husband's decision to eat and be around meat. She just appointed
|herself commander-in-chief in the marriage based solely off of her
|religious and dietary conviction. She's unhinged.
|u/GoblinKing79 - 1 month
|
|Exactly. It's similar to when politicians try to force their personal
|beliefs on constituents through laws. It's fucked up. They're
|supposed to be *personal beliefs* after all. The thing is, you have
|been respectful of her. She said she didn't want to be around
|it...and she wasn't. You waited til she was fully out of town. I
|have been a vegetarian for over 25 years. Most of my life, at this
|point. I have lived with dozens of people as roommates or partners
|(who are technically also roommates, I suppose). Never, and I mean,
|not once, have I ever tried to force my food choices on anyone.
|Anyone is welcome to eat what I cook and welcome to make their own
|dinner. My partners and I cooked our own food, which is perfectly ok
|because we're adults with different dietary restrictions. Your wife
|is a controlling asshole. NTA. Also, I'm so curious what religion
|requires vegetarianism, specific clothes/fabrics, and natural
|deodorant. Hinduism? I cannot think of anything else and technically,
|Hinduism doesn't *require* any of those things. I really want to
|know!
|u/rockmusicsavesmymind - 1 month
|
|People get divorced because of these militant types of demands!! I'd
|be going on strike!! No sex no date nights. No help with vegan sit
|downs. Separate meals. So milk and butter aren't allowed since eggs
|aren't?? No cheese?? I'm surprised you are talking to her at all. My
|SO would not put up with this?? Poor boys. Child abuse?? They don't
|like it. More money going out. Clothing is more expensive than the
|food she buys.
|u/sony1015 - 1 month
|
|Plus I’d have a pan of bacon cooking in the oven every day😂
|u/secondtaunting - 1 month
|
|Yeah what ends up happening a lot is people can’t keep up a
|complete vegan lifestyle. It’s a lot of work, and sometimes people
|get sick. I’ve known a couple of vegans that had to start including
|eggs and cheese because they were very unwell. In time she may give
|it up but she shouldn’t force the family, especially growing kids.
|u/Gillysixpence - 1 month
|
|That's a very good point. When I went veggie at 12 my Mum spoke
|to our Dr to check it would be healthy. The Dr said I'd probably
|be healthier than the rest of us! But vegan is i way stricter &
|cuts out too much imo.
|u/Larcya - 1 month
|
|Personally he's also an ah to his kids for even putting up with this
|bullshit. I'd have flat out told the wife to touch grass when she
|started changing shit.
|u/Gullible_Fun_1410 - 1 month
|
|💯💯💪🏽💪🏽
|u/warneagle - 1 month
|
|She’d probably eat the grass though
|u/debbieae - 1 month
|
|This has strong main character energy. Only moms choices count.
|Everyone else must fall in line, even when it has virtually no impact
|on her.
|u/nao_lilbby - 1 month
|
|YEP, forcing your family to adhere to a strict vegetarian/vegan diet
|when they don't share the same beliefs is not a sustainable or
|healthy approach.
|u/AnyStick2180 - 1 month
|
|This ☝️. I went vegan for a few years because of health reasons and I
|did NOT force it on my family (I'm doing a lot better so I have added
|back in certain meats now). I also lean more "natural" because I'm
|extremely sensitive to things like fragrance, chemicals, certain
|foods etc. But I do not force my family to follow other than
|switching out certain household items that I need to avoid getting
|sick. For example, my husband hates the free and clear laundry soap
|and natural shampoos I buy, so he just buys what he likes, does his
|own laundry, etc. When it comes to meals we would just modify so it
|works for all of us, or figure out our own meals. But I really do my
|best to allow my husband and kids to do whatever they like because my
|issues are not their issues. My choices are not theirs. It's a
|delicate balance but I think we found a way to respect each other
|through it.
|u/StrengthB4Weakness - 1 month
|
|The wife is saying the family need to respect her decisions, but at
|no point is she respecting their decisions! She's a major AH for
|sure.
|u/mzpljc - 1 month
|
|NTA. She can make whatever diet decisions for herself but she cannot
|expect you and the kids to follow. This is her issue to deal with.
|She doesn't get to push her beliefs onto everyone.
|u/Plane_Blueberry_3570 - 1 month
|
|ya know the easiest way to make someone that isn't a 'vegetarian'
|eat vegetarian stuff? don't fucking say a thing about it. Pasta
|and sauce (with no meat) is vegetarian. Know who eats that? every
|fucking one. Know who's not going to eat it? people that don't
|want to be called vegetarian. This goes for any number of dishes
|honestly. One can have a perfectly good thanksgiving meal sans
|turkey or whatever with all the other dishes that are gasp
|predominately vegetarian, even vegan if you are mindful. not a
|critique on you, but just somewhat going off what you said
|tangentially.
|u/ConvivialKat - 1 month
|
|>One can have a perfectly good thanksgiving meal sans turkey or
|whatever with all the other dishes that are gasp predominately
|vegetarian, even vegan if you are mindful. This is patently
|untrue. I know because my vegetarian cousin once tried this with
|our whole family. It was an unmitigated disaster. When people
|want a Thanksgiving Turkey Dinner with all the traditional
|fixings, bringing out a Tofurkey and strictly vegetarian sides
|without any warning is definitely not going to be "acceptable."
|It was just awful, and I was very glad I had some steaks at home
|because at least I knew we could just leave and still have a nice
|meal at home, "sans turkey." We ended up having Thanksgiving
|Turkey dinner at my sister's house the next weekend. My cousin
|wasn't invited.
|u/Plane_Blueberry_3570 - 1 month
|
|I'm thinking lots of people are confusing vegetarian with
|vegan. Vegetarians still eat eggs and dairy, which lots of
|side dishes may contain or not. I didn't say anything about a
|tofurkey, those things are gross. I just said sans turkey.
|Gravy can be made without giblets and using vegetable stock.
|stuffing doesn't have to have sausage in it.
|u/Aylauria - 1 month
|
|The turkey is really the one thing that you can't make
|vegetarian. The rest of the sides you totally could and
|they'd be delicious. Sadly, the turkey is kind of the
|traditional focus of the meal.
|u/Plane_Blueberry_3570 - 1 month
|
|I completely agree, I wouldn't have a thanksgiving without
|a turkey, but went to plenty that had vegetarians there and
|they were happy without the turkey and just enjoying the
|side dishes. Honestly after the first helping of turkey,
|I'm primarily going back for seconds or thirds of taters
|and green bean casserole.
|u/iLoveYoubutNo - 1 month
|
|Not a single thing on our Thanksgiving table would be vegan
|friendly. Except maybe the cranberry sauce if I make it,
|because I use fruit pectin, but others may use gelatin. Most
|things wouldn't even be vegetarian because they have bacon,
|bacon grease, or turkey drippings. Now - that being said, if
|we had someone come over that was vegan or vegetarian, we 100%
|would happily make special stuff for them IN ADDITION to the
|regular food. I think I could make most of it taste pretty
|good, but nothing ever tastes better than adding in a stick of
|butter and some pork fat.
|u/Mindless_Dog_5956 - 1 month
|
|You were on a roll and then killed it with Thanksgiving and
|bringing up the possibility of a vegan Thanksgiving because that
|just sounds depressing. Thanksgiving is centered around turkey.
|It is a supposed to be a feast and it's just not worth the effort
|without a showcase like turkey and/or ham. And vegan gravy,
|mashed potatoes, or mac and cheese is just a nonstarter.
|u/wordgirl999 - 1 month
|
|Exactly! I had been making Meatless Monday meals (and random
|other days) for years and my family didn’t notice until it came
|up in a conversation with friends.
|u/Desperate_Bee_8885 - 1 month
|
|Exactly you just make food and share it. Barring providing food
|for children you shouldn't ever try to make people's food choices
|for them unilaterally. My wife and I have unintentional vegan
|meals all the time.
|u/nao_lilbby - 1 month
|
|it's unreasonable for her to impose those beliefs and dietary
|restrictions on the entire family, especially when it's causing
|significant tension
|u/Redqueenhypo - 1 month
|
|It’s not even just dietary decisions, it’s shit like no deodorant
|allowed and $35 t shirts or $100 hoodies that broadcast “vgains” on
|the back so her kids are forced to stinkily proselytize her choices
|u/yakkerswasneverhere - 1 month
|
|Its funny how you haven't told her to stop her eating choices but she
|is quick to tell you to stop yours. Your wife is manipulating your
|good guy nature to guilt you into a choice you didn't make. She is
|100% wrong for that. You need to take a harder stance and let her know
|this 'support' she wants comes with a cost. Her forcing her choices on
|all of you will result in respect being lost. In the end, people can't
|live unhappy. They will remove what makes them unhappy at some point.
|u/neongrey_ - 1 month
|
|This woman’s opinion on meat is causing her children to hide/sneak
|food. That is going to result in her children having an unhealthy
|relationship with food. That is going to result in soooo many other
|issues. What’s OPs wife is doing is appalling and selfish.
|u/LaylaLutz - 1 month
|
|Yeah. Unnecessary restriction and creating an environment where
|food is linked to guilt, shame, and secrecy is literally THE recipe
|for an eating disorder. It's controlling and inappropriate to
|control people's diets against their will. If someone pulled this
|kind of authoritarian food stuff with me, I'd immediately make a
|very clear boundary that it was a dealbreaker. They can back off
|and we can discuss it in therapy or I'm out. Zero tolerance for
|someone's whim affecting my health and being guilted for THEIR
|shiny new values.
|u/neongrey_ - 1 month
|
|It’s really sad honestly. And these kids probably don’t want to
|feel like a disappointment to their mom, so they’re doing
|something that goes against what they really want. Which will
|create a lot of resentment towards their mom in the future.
|Also parent control so much a kids lives, a lot of times kids are
|afraid to stand up for themselves because they could be
|grounded/loose screen time/etc. Sorry but this mom is a jerk.
|u/Siamese-Celerystick - 1 month
|
|That sounds all too familiar to me. Unfortunately I was raised in
|a similar environment with food. Most foods in the house were
|locked away and parent had an obsession with cooking slimming
|recipes. This resulted in an unhealthy relationship with food and
|I was severely underweight for a decade. I only started to get
|better 5 years ago
|u/basicbitch823 - 1 month
|
|eating disorders are insanely easy to develop and insanely
|difficult to overcome.
|u/FrostyD7 - 1 month
|
|Especially when you need a psychiatrist to uncover your
|mommy/daddy trauma to get through it. All that high tension he's
|describing is probably worse for them than their diet.
|u/passthebluberries - 1 month
|
|OP's wife sounds insufferable.
|u/TenderCactus410 - 1 month
|
|Bet she’s a lot of fun at parties /s
|u/SeaLake4150 - 1 month
|
|'It's funny how you haven't told her to stop her eating choices but
|she is quick to tell you to stop yours." OP - Read this\^\^\^\^\^\^
|And then read it again. This is really the issue. This is her
|method of you following her new religion, which includes eating
|certain floods.
|u/fakyuhbish - 1 month
|
|NTA. Op you need to put your foot down. She has the liberty to think
|and eat whatever she likes, but the limit of her liberty stops at
|where your's and your sons began She is practically in a cult. I
|really hate people like this
|u/JCannaday3 - 1 month
|
|Agree 1000%
|u/Sailor_Chibi - 1 month
|
|NTA. Why do you have to respect the decisions that she makes when she
|has no respect for the decisions that you make? You and your children
|need to have a say in your lifestyles. One person doesn’t get to make
|unilateral decisions for everyone. She doesn’t deserve respect at
|this point for forcing HER decisions and beliefs on the rest of you. I
|see a lot of you saying you see her side, but not once does she try to
|see your side. That’s pretty fucking selfish. This is a hill you should
|die on, as restricting certain foods as “bad” can lead to disordered
|eating in both you and your boys.
|u/NequaJackson - 1 month
|
|My understanding went out the window once she started her "little"
|changes after OP voiced his boundaries. I get OP doesn't want
|conflict, but it's possible to assertively yet compassionately put
|your foot down on this issue. You have to. Otherwise, there's going
|to be a lot of resentment towards your wife from you and the boys, if
|there isn't already.
|u/Key-Pickle5609 - 1 month
|
|Yeah I understand not wanting conflict but this is going to blow up
|even more than it has
|u/purpleplatypus44 - 1 month
|
|NTA - Though you may need a new wife.
|u/WolverineMinimum8691 - 1 month
|
|If she doesn't make some serious changes quick I think you're right.
|Because she is not who he married and the change is entirely due to
|her choices and not extenuating circumstances.
|u/emadelosa - 1 month
|
|I wouldn’t want to say it like that, but she said herself „her values
|changed“. And while OP is supportive, his values did not change. If
|this is not negotiable for the wife and she only wants to be with
|someone with the same values, then they need to have a serious talk.
|Maybe the wife doesn’t even recognize this in herself, but it’s what
|I read from the situation… I wouldn’t say she is TA for wanting to be
|with someone who values the same things, I think that we all want
|that (more or less strict). However she is TA for forcing her beliefs
|on everyone!
|u/slickbillyo - 1 month
|
|This x1000000. She’s spiraling down a hole that is hard to rescue
|someone from, especially at the stage she seems to be. Best to slowly
|start preparing for what may need to be a quick exit with the kids
|and a custody battle to match.
|u/Nedstarkclash - 21 days
|
|Your wife is batshit crazy, her superstitious values cannot be simply
|imposed on others, and she is fucking manipulating you and your sons.
|u/MasterOfDonks - 1 month
|
|Yeah return this one to the wife store and get a new model. Send
|seems defective lol Seriously though, she’s going through some sort
|of crisis and clearly needs counseling.
|u/Only_trans_ - 21 days
|
|NTA, it is fine for your wife to make decisions about her own
|lifestyle but not ok for her to make unilateral decisions for all of
|you
|u/uhgletmepost - 1 month
|
|If she is doing the cooking and stuff and shopping to the point of
|controlling this man's deodorant I don't think he has the spine or
|ability to do such sadly. Like ffs at least buy your own underwear
|dude, what do you do for a living that you exported even that to her.
|u/ImJustAquiToRead - 1 month
|
|He does. And he needs to document everything, file for divorce AND
|full custody. What’s going on isn’t right, at all.
|u/Desmond2014 - 21 days
|
|You don’t need a new wife, you need to have a real conversation with
|your wife and your boys should be with you when you do so they can
|voice how they respect and love her they do not want to be vegan,
|just as you do not want to. Besides there are so many health concerns
|with people not eating meat and natural protein.
|u/Desmond2014 - 21 days
|
|If she can’t respect your (and your kids) choice to not be vegan
|she can’t gaslight you by saying crap like I’m the wife and you
|should listen to me. You need to figure out where all this is
|coming from bro!
|u/Individual-Theory-85 - 21 days
|
|This reminds me of the old joke - “How do you know someone is vegan?
|Don’t worry, they’ll TELL you”. Like any other religion: Religion is
|like a peni$. It’s fine to have one, and it’s fine to be proud of it,
|but don’t wave it around in public, and don’t shove it down anyone’s
|throat.
|u/misterdrm - 1 month
|
|At the very least some functioning balls.
|u/wangthebigflatfish - 1 month
|
|NTA at all. She shouldn’t force her beliefs onto others. Not to mention
|she converted after you married so it’s not like you signed up for
|this.
|u/wangthebigflatfish - 1 month
|
|Also I don’t trust non-professional people who feed kids vegan diet.
|Vegan can be healthy and well-rounded, but I doubt that every vegan
|has the ability to make the vegan diet suitable for kids/teenagers.
|Edit: I stressed “vegan” in this argument because it’s already hard
|to provide healthy diet to growing children with regular diet.
|Imagine trying to do that with limited choice of ingredients.
|u/Jazzy_Bee - 1 month
|
|A vegan friend has a vegetarian husband. On the advice of her
|doctor, she went vegetarian while pregnant. She told me it's
|pretty much impossible to feed a vegan diet to a toddler. The
|volumn of food required was so large. After the birth of her
|child, she returned to her vegan diet. After the birth of the
|second one, she gave up. They spend a lot to ensure the milk and
|eggs they buy come from ethical farmers, and she makes her own
|cheese now.
|u/Sudden-Most-4797 - 1 month
|
|10,0000+ of years of domesticated dairy animals can't be wrong,
|ya know?
|u/Jazzy_Bee - 1 month
|
|I know a lot of vegetarians are not terribly hung up about
|rennent, and lots of supermarket cheese is made without animal
|rennet.
|u/Original_Clerk2916 - 1 month
|
|Not to mention it ruins their stomachs. If children don’t develop
|the enzymes to digest meat and such, they will have a lot of
|trouble and they’ll get incredibly sick from meat if they ever
|decide to eat it!
|u/Ruenin - 1 month
|
|I don't know who told you this load of bullshit, but it's wrong.
|It has nothing to do with being a kid. If you don't eat any
|specific kind of food for a long time, your gut biome loses the
|enzymes needed to digest it properly. A lot of people that decide
|to eat beans for protein have gas issues for a few weeks because
|they lack the proper enzymes, but the body adjusts. It's no
|different with meat or dairy. It doesn't "ruin their stomachs"
|anymore than it ruins yours. I haven't eaten beef in almost 10
|years. If I ate it now, I'd probably have a bad time. But if I
|kept eating it, my body would adapt and develop the enzymes
|again.
|u/mypreciousssssssss - 1 month
|
|Doubtless that's the goal.
|u/Frequent_Mail9827 - 1 month
|
|That's what I was thinking. I sincerely doubt that the boys were
|getting enough protein to support healthy growth unless the mother
|was ***meticulous.***
|u/bluejay1093 - 1 month
|
|i agree. ive been (mostly) vegetarian my whole life (ive began
|eating pork and poultry every once in a while in recent years), but
|if i had been vegan instead, i would not have gotten the nutrients
|that kids need.
|u/FictionalContext - 1 month
|
|Countermove: OP should convert to some fundamentalist religion, too.
|"Wamman shall obey." Checkmate, wife. *(Also, i still agree with you
|about pork.)*
|u/Sly__Marbo - 1 month
|
|OP should convert to a religion that demands its practitioners have
|a healthy three servings of meat a day, preferably washed down with
|beer. So basically the average German diet
|u/AnimatedHokie - 1 month
|
|>she converted after you married so it’s not like you signed up for
|this This right here. This is not what OP signed up for.
|u/aliendevilkid - 1 month
|
|So she just gets to decide what everyone consumes, wears, and uses for
|personal hygiene? Nah. That's ridiculous and unreasonable. NTA. But
|what religion is this? Pushing your personal religious expectations
|onto other people who want nothing to do with your religion - which is
|what your wife is doing - is by definition an asshole move and
|unacceptable behavior.
|u/SammyD95 - 1 month
|
|If I were to make a guess, she converted to ISKCON's version of
|Hinduism.
|u/Siya78 - 1 month
|
|I think so too. My aunt and uncle, and some family friends are part
|of this. They are fanatical about this.
|u/SammyD95 - 1 month
|
|Yeah the conversion and egg thing was the biggest flags for me.
|u/Good_Focus2665 - 1 month
|
|Same here. I remember my dad saying your uncle is part of a cult
|and we were Hindus. We had an ISKCON temple near our house. The
|food at the restaurant was phenomenal not to mention the prasad.
|One of the best I’ve had. It was the only reason my parents would
|take us there. 
|u/Jamaican_me_cry1023 - 1 month
|
|For those who don’t know, ISKCON is otherwise known as Hare
|Krishnas.
|u/Ill_Reading_5290 - 1 month
|
|They’re still around? I haven’t seen them haunting an airport in
|years.
|u/gopiballava - 1 month
|
|It's been years since you could just show up at an airport and
|wander around. That definitely changed within the US in 2001 -
|my local airport was originally intended to allow locals to use
|it as a mall type shopping area. That changed after 9/11. I'm
|pretty sure Hare Krishnas had left airports quite awhile before
|9/11. Not sure if airports got stricter about proselytizing, or
|if it gave them such a bad reputation that they stopped doing
|it, or if there are simply fewer Hare Krishnas around.
|u/ehetland - 1 month
|
|At least pre-covid, they'd spend a few weeks on the U Michigan
|campus. They may still come, but I'm just not on campus enough
|these days to know.
|u/RobSpaghettio - 1 month
|
|Damn, I remember this fad, robes, tambourines and all, passed in
|like the 2000s.
|u/ToxicWonker - 1 month
|
|Is it bad that I'm nearly 32 years old and I thought it was HARRY
|Krishna, and that Harry was just some cult leader guy?? TIL guys,
|TIL
|u/factoid_ - 1 month
|
|Or buddhism. Lots of them are vegan or at least vegetarian. And if
|you're a crunchy hippie white lady having a mid-life crisis
|buddhism is exactly the kind of thing you convert to after too many
|hot yoga classes.
|u/Sea_Fox2669 - 1 month
|
|Buddhist wouldnt force it on others.
|u/aliendevilkid - 1 month
|
|It's just weird he doesn't specifically say Hinduism or any other
|religion and leaves it vague. It makes me think it's "new age"
|modern hippie shit that's not easily defined.
|u/lamettler - 1 month
|
|Seventh Day Adventist??? They are extremely anti meat.
|u/Baked_Browniies - 1 month
|
|I was raised in the SDA "church" and they are for the most part
|judgemental vegetarian/vegan communities. However, the use of
|dairy/eggs for non vegans isn't as harped on as meat. So the fact
|that she refuses to even let them eat eggs tells me that this might
|be something else. But my experience isn't universal for all SDA
|churches. Sidenote: I've been free of the SDA cult for 10 years!
|Whoo
|u/bizengineer - 1 month
|
|No, all the other focus on natural deodorant and the like makes me
|think something more “new age”
|u/soggymobflip - 1 month
|
|NTA. You followed her rules of not having it around her. She was not
|there, that means the meat is allowed to be. I think it's time for her
|to seek some therapy if she feels she needs this level of control over
|her husband and children.
|u/Helioscopes - 1 month
|
|No, what she needs to do is quit the stupid cult she has joined.
|u/LegendOfKhaos - 1 month
|
|OP definitely needs to stick up for his children more, though. Just
|because the wife wants to be supported, doesn't mean everyone else
|suddenly doesn't deserve support. Her values aren't any more special
|than theirs are (not that you are saying that).
|u/LeoSolaris - 1 month
|
|Your wife unilaterally decided to change other people's behavior. It
|explicitly shows in her "disappointment" in your choices *when she was
|not present*. That isn't requesting support. That is demanding
|conversion to her beliefs. If her beliefs are so weak that she cheats
|when meat is in the house, that is 100% her problem. It is not her
|place to impose changes without consent.
|u/Mysterious-Wasabi103 - 1 month
|
|The "disappointment" thing is emotional manipulation. She knows this
|dude cannot deny her and she's ok with that.
|u/cattleya915 - 1 month
|
|Definitely agree with this take. It's one thing to ask for the whole
|family's support with her lifestyle change, but expecting someone to
|adopt the same dietary restrictions (especially when they're not even
|present) crosses a line into controlling. Also, if she had a deadly
|allergy to something, that's one thing. This lifestyle change is
|entirely values-based and you can't impose that on someone else. I
|think OP's wife needs to seek therapy. It's entirely possible she has
|some obsessive-compulsive tendencies. It's natural to want to include
|your loved ones in the things you're passionate about, especially if
|they're new and exciting to you. However, people get obsessive with
|the lifestyle greening/overhaul trends -- not just vegetarianism, but
|also minimalism, Marie Kondo's KonMari method, zero waste, etc.
|It's time to ask for help.
|u/caesarwren - 1 month
|
|nope NTA
|u/ItsSunnySZN - 1 month
|
|No need to mince words aha
|u/NotEnoughIT - 1 month
|
|OP is NTA but he is a fuckin doormat tbh. He needs to grow a backbone
|more than she needs to stop telling him what to eat. Like, the whole
|premise is that she doesn't want to be around meat. Then she goes out
|of town and the boys eat meat and she's upset when she returned? She
|wasn't around it. There were a lot of last straws here, but that one
|takes the cake. Dude needs to stand up for himself and his children.
|u/Key-Pickle5609 - 1 month
|
|Honestly if he were happy living that way (ie with wife ruling the
|roost), great. But he’s not and he’s teaching his kids that they
|have to let mom make all the decisions and that’s not healthy
|u/IKIKIKthatYouH8me - 1 month
|
|Sounds like he loves her and is just trying to not get into it with
|her, which clearly has backfired. He does need to man up and tell
|her this control she wants to have over everyone else at home is
|over.
|u/Longjumping-Pick-706 - 1 month
|
|NTA This is not about “respecting her values.” This is about control.
|She is trying to force something you and your boys do not want. If it
|was up to a vote, she would be outnumbered. She said she didn’t want to
|be around it. Well, she wasn’t. She was away on a business trip when
|you and your boys ate meat. So, why is she disappointed? Because it is
|about control, not respect.
|u/candb82314 - 1 month
|
|NTA She can’t force you guys. That’s fine she wants to do it but
|quick way to get someone to resent you is forcing. If you are the one
|cooking it I don’t see the problem.
|u/Tiny-Werewolf1962 - 1 month
|
|"Your religion limits what you can do, not what I can do."
|u/Pristine_Effective51 - 1 month
|
|Hardcore vegetarian riding the vegan line here - NTA. She does not get
|to impose her personal values on you and the boys. She 100384636% has
|the right to choose what goes on her plate and under her arms.
|Sustainable clothing is probably a good idea, ngl. What she doesn’t
|have the right to do is demand you get on the train. She can ask, sure.
|You might even find the shirt really comfortable. But to *demand*?
|Sorry, no. Also “no” is a complete sentence.
|u/medium_buffalo_wings - 1 month
|
|NTA You are a grown ass man. Act like it. If you want to eat meat, do.
|If you want it in the house, buy it yourself. You can respect her
|beliefs and be your own person.
|u/MasterOfDonks - 1 month
|
|Hell yeah brotha
|u/hexagon_heist - 1 month
|
|“Your brand new values are not my values. Maybe we’re not compatible
|anymore” NTA and seriously consider if you and your wife are still
|compatible - it sounds like no.
|u/StylanPetrov - 1 month
|
|NTA. My girlfriend is vegetarian and she has no problems with me eating
|meat, I just make sure that I handle all the prep and cooking of it
|myself. Your wife is free to make her own choices but it's not fair of
|her to impose them on other people.
|u/imalittlebitscared - 1 month
|
|This. OP may need to take up shopping and cooking duties already for
|themselves and the boys if they haven’t already. Not fair for
|vegetarian to be expected to buy, prepare or cook meat.
|u/_angry_cat_ - 1 month
|
|This is how my husband and I handle it. I’ve been vegetarian since
|before he met me. I don’t have a problem with him eating meat, and
|every once in a while, I will cook it for him. But it’s mostly on him
|if he wants to eat it. I just prepare a lot of foods that can have
|chicken easily added to them, or that are good on their own as being
|vegetarian. He’s more than welcome to buy, cook, and eat what he
|wants. But since I do 90% of the cooking, he eats what I make and
|it’s fine lol.
|u/Love-Carmela - 1 month
|
|You're not the a\*\*hole. You're supporting your wife's choices by not
|eating meat when she's around, but it's unfair for her to impose her
|dietary restrictions on the entire family, especially the kids.
|u/erisod - 1 month
|
|I think it's reasonable to eat meat when she is around if he prepares
|it and cleans up.
|u/Icy_Supermarket_164 - 1 month
|
|Exactly, religious beliefs shouldn’t be used as a reason to control
|someone else’s decisions. It sounds like OP’s wife is really stuck
|on this issue
|u/lankaxhandle - 1 month
|
|NTA-Her religion means that she has to change HER lifestyle. It doesn’t
|mean that she gets to change other people’s lifestyle. This is one of
|the many things wrong with religion.
|u/LoserZombie - 1 month
|
|Preach, brother!
|u/LinaWang101 - 1 month
|
|NTA. It's clear that while you respect your wife’s choice to change her
|diet, it’s unreasonable for her to expect everyone to adapt to her way
|of eating without any regard for personal choice or preference. A
|marriage is a partnership, and key decisions—especially those affecting
|the whole family—need to be made together. Your kids deserve to make
|their own choices about their diets. It's important to set boundaries
|—her dietary restrictions shouldn't dictate what the rest of the family
|eats, particularly in her absence. If she values family unity, she must
|learn that compromise goes both ways.
|u/ImaginationMassive93 - 1 month
|
|Your wife sounds very controlling and intolerant. I think you should
|seek marital therapy with her. She cannot make a personal decision as
|life changing as she has and expect you and the boys to change to that.
|She is demanding “respect” while not giving respect to you or the kids.
|I think you should consider professional help
|u/Normal-Ad3291 - 1 month
|
|NTA. Your religion dictates what you do not what everyone else should
|do.
|u/Emergency-Ad-3037 - 1 month
|
|There's a lot of religious people out there who have that twisted.
|u/mes44- - 1 month
|
|NTA I was a vegetarian for 6 years. I encouraged my family to try
|vegetarian dishes, but never demanded they eat a vegetarian diet. My
|husband and kids wouldn’t have even entertained that. Let her know you
|are disappointed in her forcing her new beliefs on you and your
|children.
|u/Carbon-Base - 1 month
|
|Yup, as a veggiesaur myself I can't understand OP's wife behaving the
|way she is. My family and friends often eat dishes that have meat
|when we get together, but it never bothers me because that's their
|own choice. I've never once told anyone to follow a veggiesaur diet,
|because that's my choice. NTA. OP and his kids are doing the best
|they can by being supportive, but the wife is encroaching her
|family's choices by forcing her beliefs onto them. She has to get
|used to them continuing to follow their own lifestyle, the same way
|her family supported her lifestyle.
|u/Light_inc - 1 month
|
|Brother, grow a spine. ESH but the boys.
|u/BonerHonkfart - 1 month
|
|Seriously. She's TA but OP is absolutely a doormat and needs to step
|the fuck up for himself and his kids.
|u/I8urmuffin - 1 month
|
|Your wife sounds insufferable. I would be shocked if you allow this to
|continue, if it doesn’t lead to your boys resenting both of you. YTA
|for letting this get as far as it has. Do you want a wife or a dictator
|dude?
|u/ChiWhiteSox24 - 1 month
|
|My mom was religiously fanatical growing up (not THIS bad but close)
|and she’s been dead for 4 years and I STILL hold resentment. Those
|kids won’t ever forget this I promise
|u/Mysterious-Wasabi103 - 1 month
|
|I would not be shocked if he allows this to continue. It's been a
|year already and the guy has no spine, why would it be shocking?
|What surprises me is the amount of guys who seem to want a woman to
|tell them what they can and can't do.
|u/ootpwhenipoop - 1 month
|
|NTA. your wife made a personal decision, and none if you are obligated
|to make the same decision, nor are you obligated to follow the rules
|she has personally decided to follow. if you were demanding that she
|cook meat for you, that might be different. but honestly, you're going
|above and beyond and are being extremely supportive to her. she is
|being unreasonable to basically expect you to give up meat forever just
|because she decided to do that.
|u/playswithsquirrels01 - 1 month
|
|NTA, no offense, but you need to tell your wife that you can support
|her and be respectful about her choices, but she will also need to do
|the same. This is not fair to you or the boys.
|u/DownShatCreek - 1 month
|
|NTA. You didn't set boundaries and let yourself become a submissive
|guest in your own home.
|u/texred355 - 1 month
|
|NTA - eff that. She can do whatever she wants, but forcing that on the
|fam is wrong.
|u/HarlotteHoehansson - 1 month
|
|NTA and honestly this sounds like it could be a marriage killer. She
|will likely never stop pushing and giving in to her will make you and
|the boys resent her.
|u/CaterpillarAccurate7 - 1 month
|
|NTA, but you NEED to put your foot down. What she does with her diet is
|her business. What you do for yours is your business. When it comes to
|the children, they are also allowed to choose their own diet, within
|reason of course, they are people too and shouldn't be forced to follow
|a diet that they do not want. Your wife claiming that she can't be
|around it is also a manipulation tactic that she's going to try to use,
|she'll give you the ultimatum of either follow her diet or she/you
|leave. Under bo circumstances should you leave, she doesn't like it,
|she can leave, and just let her, don't fight with her to stay, and do
|not let her take the kids.
|u/Enough_Shoulder_8938 - 1 month
|
|NTA. You’re in charge of what goes in your body! 😀
|u/ManufacturerAny6950 - 1 month
|
|>It's hard to argue back, because I can see her side No you don't. All
|I can see on her side is "I change and everyone else should" You can
|show your support by respecting her new found values (which you already
|did). That's it. There's the line. If she can't see it, what's exactly
|her new found value? Stop apologizing to her. Your kids need to eat
|ffs. ETA: what is she? A recovering meat addict??
|u/brsox2445 - 1 month
|
|She has every right to change her life. She has no right to change
|yours and only the right to change the kids after a discussion with
|you. I’d argue that since you went along with it, what she did with the
|kids isn’t as bad so you could be a mini asshole for how you handled
|the kids. But that’s nothing to do with the meat. It’s to do with you
|agreeing to something (reluctantly or otherwise) and then going back on
|it.
|u/GoodIntelligent2867 - 1 month
|
|NTA - As a vegetarian myself, she can do whatever she wants and you do
|you. If she decided to change her values, why would she ask her kids
|and spouse to change with her.
|u/KittensNCheeze4Life - 1 month
|
|Controversial take probably but if she does all the cooking, grocery
|shopping and cleaning she gets to do this. However, if you are
|willing to cook your own meals, buy meat on your own and clean up the
|meat dishes yourself then you are good. I say this as a meat eater
|who dated a vegan. He did all the work so he got the final say!
|u/Ok-Imagination6714 - 1 month
|
|'and wanted us to support her.' Where's her support for you wanting
|bacon? Support goes both ways. If she's so fragile in her beliefs
|that she has to empty the house of stuff and make her family comply so
|she can comply, she's got problems. Go eat a rack of ribs. NTA
|u/czej1800 - 1 month
|
|NTA. I want share my experience growing up in a house similar to what
|your is. My dad was the one that outlawed food in our house including
|meat, junk food, and sweets. His reasoning was that all that stuff was
|unhealthy and he didn’t want to smell foods he didn’t like. So myself
|and siblings all developed weird relationships with food. We hoarded
|the food we weren’t allowed to have at family events or friends houses
|or when my dad was out of town. None of us learned to cook until we
|grew up and moved out. I had many thanksgiving dinners filled with
|anxiety asI tried to eat turkey at my grandparents house without my dad
|looking. If he did see us eat he would give us a stern stare and knew
|we would be yelled at on the way home. It took me a long time to not
|feel guilty about eating and to actually learn to enjoy eating
|socially. Don’t let this happen to your family. Your wife is not
|setting healthy boundaries with food for your kids.
|u/Illustrious_Eye4279 - 1 month
|
|This is all fake now isn't it?
|u/Hopeful-Mess7807 - 1 month
|
|NTA. Majority wins. If anyone’s gonna adjust it should be her. Not her
|food choices but if she doesn’t wanna see the meats then have her own
|fridge, eat at different time.
|u/No_Competition3694 - 1 month
|
|Lmao. You should respect her decisions even if they’re tough? Does the
|street not drive both ways? Tell her she has to respect your meat
|filled weekend even if it’s tough and inconvenient. NTA. Dump the
|wife, marry the butchers daughter or something. lol.
|u/Flimsy_Quantity2579 - 1 month
|
|>After putting the boys to bed we argued for hours about how I was
|setting a poor example for the boys, that I should respect the
|decisions made by my wife, even if they're "tough" and "inconvenient"
|NTA. So it's ok for her too demand that... but you and your son's
|can't? You want to eat meat and use the same Deo why can't she support
|you and your son's in that decision????? Your wife is selfish and
|childish on top... with a side serving of ignorance
|u/DevilsAdvocate8008 - 1 month
|
|NTA. Your wife is abusive and controlling. You are a grown man and you
|are a father so you have equal say in raising your kids and you get to
|pick what you eat. Your wife is unreasonable. She is using guilt
|tactics and emotional manipulation to get her way which isn't how
|successful relationship works. You need to put your foot down. Tell her
|that she should respect the decisions made by her husband and her kids
|and that there needs to be a compromise or that it's not going to work
|out. I can understand her physically seeing meat might be difficult for
|her diet so you can come up with some compromises. Some options would
|include You taking the kids by yourself to go out to eat whether a
|restaurant or a fast food. Another option could be get a separate mini
|fridge they have nice ones with freezers as well for like a $100 or so
|and a plastic bin that you can't see through and keep your non vegan
|food/snacks in there. You could make sure not to eat that type of food
|in the same room as her. There are ways you can compromise and if she's
|unwilling then your life is just going to get harder and harder from
|here and it's going to cause relationship issues with your children as
|well and maybe eating disorders
|u/Over-Remove - 1 month
|
|Can’t believe I had to scroll this far down to get this comment. This
|totally sounds like an abusive environment, I mean just the fact no
|one can eat things she doesn’t like and kids have to smuggle in meat
|is insane. But also his attitude of coming here and asking such an
|obvious not asshole question tells me he has been gaslit to even
|believe he could ever be. That woman is controlling as fuck. But the
|quiet disappointment and the guilt tripping is so telling.
|u/br0d30 - 1 month
|
|How has all your normal food/items been replaced by substitutes without
|you having a say? Do you relegate all of the shopping to your wife?
|You shouldn’t have cheated on this vegetarian diet. Because you
|shouldn’t be on this diet if it’s not what you want. You’re a grown
|adult. Go buy your own groceries and cook your own meals.
|u/First-Stress-9893 - 1 month
|
|I’m a vegan and I still vote NTA here. There is a difference between
|wanting your family to eat better and enforcing your preferences on
|others. You can’t force her to make meat meals but if you are willing
|to cook then she is being unreasonable. Yes you will be healthier with
|some of the changes she wants you to make but she isn’t doing anything
|to win you to her side she is just enforcing it across the board. While
|she (half) has the right to do this with your kids as her mom
|(obviously with your agreement) she has no right to force you (a grown
|adult) to eat the way she wants you to. In addition she is setting all
|of you up to just sneak meat behind her back. I mean - the kids friends
|are even getting into it. This is not the way to win any of you over to
|anything. I think this would be a good opportunity to have a chat with
|her but from what you have said I’m not sure she will listen to your
|side. I’m sorry.
|u/RogerPenroseSmiles - 1 month
|
|NTA, you need to stop putting up with her dietary terrorism. Maybe
|start taking the boys hunting and teaching them how to be be self
|sufficient. Honestly, you needed a come to Jesus talk with her months
|ago, you're enabling mental illness at this point.
|u/4Ever2Thee - 1 month
|
|Dude, you've gotta put your foot down at some point. It's great that
|you're supportive of her new religion/lifestyle choices but she's not
|compromising at all. Would she go along with it if you converted to a
|new religion next month where everyone had to wear red clothing, and
|you replaced all of her clothes with red clothes?
|u/hux002 - 1 month
|
|This fake ass troll bait sucks. This is so blatantly bullshit I don't
|even know where to begin. Why wouldn't you just say what religion it
|is? So we're supposed to believe that your wife just converted to
|Jainism out of the blue? Because both Hinduism and Quakers would not
|really be vegan; they'd be vegetarians that allow eggs and dairy.
|u/GroundbreakingWing48 - 1 month
|
|Info: Who does the grocery planning, shopping, and cooking? If you,
|why aren’t you just cooking what you want to cook for the kids after
|she’s done making her own things? ETA: I’m so confused. Whoever cooks
|gets to choose what to cook. Is this not a basic rule of dividing
|household chores? I’m completely flabbergasted by the possibility that
|OP either doesn’t cook anything and expects his wife to cook two meals
|or that OP cooks at least some percentage of the household meals but
|doesn’t just make whatever he wants, with wife having the opportunity
|to make something else if she doesn’t like what he’s serving.
|u/Rosgrana - 1 month
|
|‘ I should respect the decisions made by my wife, even if they're
|"tough" and "inconvenient" ‘  But she doesn’t have to respect the
|decisions anyone else makes, because what?
|u/DawnShakhar - 1 month
|
|NTA. Your wife is demanding you respect her decisions - but what about
|her respecting yours? She can choose to be vegan, but she has no right
|to force you to be vegan. And the boys are both yours and hers - she
|doesn't get a veto on their diet. It's time to stop cowering in front
|of her. You say you are ashamed that you and the boys ate meat - why
|should you be? Why should your wife's dietary decisions become your
|laws?
|u/Aniexty94 - 1 month
|
|I'm vegetarian but my husband and our children still eat meat and it's
|been this way for 3 years. Yes, she is the mum and wife, but you're
|the dad and husband. You also get a say in how your children are raised
|and what they eat. NTA But your wife is, and you need to stop it now
|before it gets any worse. She shouldn't be forcing you and your
|children into her decisions like this.
|u/Kahless_2K - 1 month
|
|NTA. Your wife is being unreasonable. Look, you can worship whatever
|God you want. The problem is when you try to make me do it, or make me
|follow their rules.
|u/kay_bizzle - 1 month
|
|NTA. I'll never understand why people allow other people's religion to
|control their lives
|u/Strtftr - 1 month
|
|Good luck with your divorce.
|u/alxkwl - 1 month
|
|NTA. Why should 3 of you accommodate 1 person with her drastic life
|changes? Just because you are married, that doesn't give your wife a
|right to neuter your autonomy . I must say, you're a much more patient
|man than I to have gone this long without losing your shit, but now it
|sounds like it's really starting to affect your family. Sounds like
|your wife morphed into a Karen. She's TA, and it sounds like it time to
|set some boundaries before this gets worse.
|u/Severe_Energy4824 - 1 month
|
|You’re wife is being absolutely ridiculous and needs help. She can
|chose to eat whatever diet she sees first for HER however she has no
|right to push that onto you or your children
|u/Mountain-Eye-9227 - 1 month
|
|Freedom of religion means YOU get to practice your religion. Not force
|everyone to follow it. NTA.
|u/Puppet007 - 1 month
|
|NTAH She can choose to be vegan, but that doesn’t mean that she could
|demand others (especially family) to follow HER lifestyle as well.
|Either she finds a compromise or you could separate until she snaps out
|of her dictatorship mindset.
|u/Responsible-Bunch952 - 1 month
|
|The zealotry of the newly converted is so annoying it surpasses cringe.
|It's one thing if you want to buckle down to the old ball and chain but
|you should think of your kids living a life on rabbit food and whatever
|other practices this new religion of hers does.
|u/Emptyteacup13 - 1 month
|
|NTA. Your wife is not a dictator. It sounds like you and your sons
|enjoy meat, you should be eating it when you want. I think your wife
|might be a little drunk on power and you should talk to her about that
|as the person not in the wrong. Stop letting her convince you that you
|are wrong when you aren't. Hope you and the boys get a bacon cheese
|burger soon.
|u/SaxoSad - 1 month
|
|NTA, she is only thinking about herself and you two need to go to
|therapy because she doesn't realize it, but she is doing everything in
|the book to make her children choose not to have contact with her as
|soon as they can. She cannot force her beliefs and desires on others
|and she needs to get it into her head.
|u/lovelytime42069 - 1 month
|
|you arent an asshole. I was forced vegan from 6 years old until 14 and
|it fucking sucked. Sick often, always hungry, had to sneak food when I
|went to friends houses. Fuck parents that do this shit to their
|children for real psychopathic behavior.
|u/New-Ad4295 - 1 month
|
|No. She is totally in the wrong. Sounds like your family supported her
|decision. There is a lot to say what she is doing wrong, but I'll just
|say her stance is ridiculous.
|u/SportySue60 - 1 month
|
|NTA… your wife is for forcing her beliefs on everyone else. She wants
|to be vegan that’s her decision but you and your kids didn’t make that
|decision.
|u/FlippingPossum - 1 month
|
|NTA. Your wife doesn't get dominion over your body. If she doesn't like
|that, she can go kick rocks. I would stop hiding it. Do you I really
|want to spend your adult life with a partner that can't cope?
|u/DangerNoodle1313 - 1 month
|
|She is making unilateral decisions for the whole household. Why is she
|not respecting YOU GUYS? NTA
|u/techleathercraft - 1 month
|
|In case you missed it... You have bigger problems than "you cheating on
|the Veg Diet". Your wife has converted to a new lifestyle AND
|'supporting her' is not the same as converting. There is also a
|question of why should you support her? You have you own values and
|beliefs (or some loose definition) . She can do what she wants and
|finding a compromise is great. Vegan dinner night, and potluck-style or
|whatever. But she can't expect you to do that... Maybe she can argue
|the kids can..... I'm my experience if the level of religiosity is mis-
|matched, there are going to be more problems.
|u/TheDarkCastle - 1 month
|
|Get outta there first it's the meat then she tries to kill you in your
|sleep for her religion get outta there bro
|u/8ft7 - 1 month
|
|Your duty to support her ended at respecting her decision on what to
|put in her body. You do not have the pledge fealty to the Holy Vegan.
|You can eat what you want. You’re a grown man. Your wife is welcome to
|eat what she wants.
|u/Vanguard92291 - 1 month
|
|What kind of fake is this thread ?
|u/Icy_Bath_1170 - 1 month
|
|NTA. Here’s the big truth that all religious types hate: Their
|religion prohibits _them_ from doing things, not anyone else. Once
|this is explained to her, she’ll go ballistic: “You’re not respecting
|my faith!” and so on. That’s when you pull out whammy #2: “I don’t
|have to respect your faith, I only have to acknowledge it. And I’m free
|to reject it.”
|u/Ferretloves - 1 month
|
|NTA I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 8 I’m not 42 ,and have never and
|would never try to force it on anyone else ,my 3 kids and my husband
|eat meat ,although recently my 16 yr old decided to become vegetarian
|but it was 100% her decision.In my eyes it’s very wrong to force others
|to.
|u/Magdovus - 1 month
|
|She didn't ask you to support her, she just did it. Personally, I'd
|be telling her that she's lucky you waited until she wasn't there.
|Alternatively, just order a takeaway with as much meat as you can get,
|and you can eat with the kids. Let her eat her joyless veggie
|substitute.
|u/LobstahLovahRI - 1 month
|
|The kids and I would be moving out really quick. I eat what I want and
|for someone to force me to change and follow religions I dont belong to
|would be the end of the marriage, period.
|u/PossibleSummer8182 - 1 month
|
|ESH except the kids. Let's take a moment to note that most wives do, in
|fact, decide on all the food and clothing for their household. Those
|kids have a father who could buy meat and cook it anytime, and that
|would be an argument between the adults. OP is acting like a helpless
|victim when he's got two hands and a wallet. The kids are the only
|ones really getting forced into anything, and they have done more than
|their father by getting friends to bring them the food they want.
|This needs to be discussed between the adults. There many possible
|compromises here. She feels deceived. She was. He feels she is
|overzealous and controlling. She is. The wife is unrealistic about
|her expectations. The husband is sneaking rather than discussing
|boundaries.
|u/Honeybee3674 - 1 month
|
|I agree completely. It's not healthy to encourage the kids to sneak
|around the other parent's back because you don't actually agree with
|her, but haven't worked out a compromise or set your own boundaries.
|And yes, if OP wants meat to be a part of family meals some of the
|time, then he needs to do the shopping/cooking for those meals.
|u/Siya78 - 1 month
|
|NTA she should never enforce her beliefs like that. You mentioned your
|wife converted to a new religion. I think they are brainwashing her
|big time. it’s only going to get worse.
|u/Ruenin - 1 month
|
|Lying to your wife makes you the asshole. Not having an honest
|conversation with her about how far you're willing to support this
|makes you the asshole. She didn't force you to be vegan or convert to
|whatever religion she did. You told her you would be supportive and
|then lied to her and made your kids complicit. How does no one in here
|understand that? No one is forcing you to be vegan, and if you think
|having a difficult conversation with your wife is too much, then you've
|got bigger issues to deal with. Tl;dr Don't tell your wife you'll
|support her and then show your kids it's ok to lie to their mother
|about that support.
Response: application/gopher-menu
Original URLgopher://gopherddit.com/1/cgi-bin/reddit.cgi?view&1es4eeo...
Content-Typeapplication/gopher-menu; charset=utf-8