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←Back |
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TIL that Jonathan the tortoise was born 29 years before the US Civil War |
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and is still alive today |
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_(tortoise) (https://en.wikipedia.org) |
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######################################################################## |
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|u/kia75 - 1 month |
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|What no mention what side he was on? This makes me think Jonathan was |
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|on the wrong side! |
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|u/bobert4343 - 1 month |
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|Jonathan was actually a diehard slave owner |
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|u/DampBritches - 1 month |
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|Him and his brother, Mitch McConnell |
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|u/xAsilos - 1 month |
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|You son of a bitch. I wish I came up with that line. |
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|u/Mielornot - 1 month |
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|I don't get it please explain |
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|u/George_W_Kush58 - 1 month |
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|McConnel looks like a turtle. Just a guess, I'm not American. |
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|He do be looking like a turtle tho |
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|u/Mielornot - 1 month |
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|Oh thanks! |
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|u/MildlyGothic - 1 month |
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|Looks like a turtle and is old AF. |
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|u/Speedhabit - 1 month |
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|Not really a line |
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|u/Academic_Coconut_244 - 1 month |
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|[Just gonna submit this photo of him in front of a plantation for |
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|evidence](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ca/Saint- |
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|Helena-Plantation-House-Jonathan-the-Tortoise-by-kevin-gepford.jpg) |
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|u/LifeBuilder - 1 month |
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|He was the one who hired JWB to ventilate Abe’s head. |
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|u/Fun_Intention9846 - 1 month |
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|https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/iBzLHyT2Jw |
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|u/MrIrrelevantsHypeMan - 1 month |
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|I didn't want to mention it because he doesn't want anyone to know |
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|about his service. He led an advance party for Sherman and his March |
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|to the Sea. First tortoise to receive a Medal of Honor. He went on |
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|to serve in the trenches of WW1 as an advisor. Some say his ability to |
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|lead and how effective he was at running over trenches inspired tanks |
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|of the era. He was known as the Marauder of the Trenches. His ruthless |
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|actions were used as examples during the Third Geneva Convention. He |
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|received two Navy Crosses, Croix de Guerre, and helped liberate |
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|Belleau Wood. After WWI he retired to a quiet life trying to forget |
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|about the horrors he committed and witnessed. |
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|u/blarch - 1 month |
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|To this day, the only documented case of trench-shell. |
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|u/The_Archmagos - 1 month |
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|And, uniquely from his unit's survivors, no shell shock |
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|u/FormABruteSquad - 1 month |
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|Has he made it to the sea yet? |
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|u/johnla - 1 month |
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|He lost some good man that day. They didn’t die. They were also |
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|turtles and wandered away into the woods. Some say they’re still |
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|wandering in the woods to this day. |
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|u/MrIrrelevantsHypeMan - 1 month |
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|🫡 |
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|u/LaserKittenz - 1 month |
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|But then someone killed his dog ... |
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|u/pikpikcarrotmon - 1 month |
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|He coordinated with his other velocity-challenged friends to create |
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|the Underground Snailroad and almost got one slave to the Mason-Dixon |
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|line by 1982 |
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|u/trev2234 - 1 month |
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|Pretty sure the slave didn’t survive the journey. Obviously wasn’t |
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|the safest route. |
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|u/pikpikcarrotmon - 1 month |
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|Perfectly safe - Jonathan lived |
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|u/Warmstar219 - 1 month |
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|He started it |
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|u/yeeatty - 1 month |
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|😂 |
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|u/4Ever2Thee - 1 month |
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|Well, he does have *The tortoise confederacy will rise again!* tatted |
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|on his bottom shell. |
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|u/KlostToMe - 1 month |
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|He's the only surviving prisoner of war from that era |
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|u/AncientSith - 1 month |
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|History will not remember Jonathan kindly. |
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|u/Fun_Ambassador_74 - 1 month |
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|Yeah but you know it’s not his fault . He s just old and kinda set in |
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|his ways. |
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|u/ByronsLastStand - 1 month |
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|He's a British citizen (technically), so he would most likely have |
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|been neutral |
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|u/the_mid_mid_sister - 1 month |
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|Charles Darwin and Steve Irwin owned the same tortoise. |
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|u/DigitalGT - 1 month |
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|What a braintimefuck of a sentence. Crazy how long tortoises live |
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|u/ModernSmithmundt - 1 month |
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|We could be in a tortoise’s dream in outer space |
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|u/iwrestledarockonce - 1 month |
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|I believe Sturgill Simpson wrote an album about that. |
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|u/The-JudgeHolden - 1 month |
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|I’ve seen Jesus play with flames in a lake of fire, I was |
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|standing in |
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|u/Ancient_Amount3239 - 1 month |
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|It’s turtles all the way down. Love that damn song |
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|u/NoPossibility - 1 month |
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|That was Harriet, though, just in case anyone gets confused. She died |
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|in 2006 at 176 years old. |
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|u/rg4rg - 1 month |
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|Wrong. Legends never die. |
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|u/Minute_Foundation_97 - 1 month |
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|She died just before Steve did! 😢 |
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|u/Sorry_Consideration7 - 1 month |
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|Win/win for the tortoise. Yeah, I said it. |
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|u/igby1 - 1 month |
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|Wow. Amazing and true. |
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|https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harriet_(tortoise) |
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|u/tiorzol - 1 month |
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|> However, doubt is cast on this story by the fact that Darwin had |
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|never visited Santa Cruz, the island that Harriet originally came |
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|from. >There is evidence from letters that Charles Darwin was |
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|aware that Wickham had these tortoises, as he sent a letter to |
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|Huxley in 1860 informing him that he should speak with Wickham in |
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|Paris about the last of the tortoises from the 1835 expedition |
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|because he had them. This makes it at least possible that the three |
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|tortoises at the Brisbane Botanic Gardens were personally collected |
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|by Darwin. It could be true. It could also not be. |
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|u/tough_napkin - 1 month |
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|i met that turtle! lonesome george |
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|u/LobcockLittle - 1 month |
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|Same! He was "fighting" another male tortoise, for the attention of |
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|a female tortoise. |
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|u/CharlemagneIS - 1 month |
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|[Relevant](https://youtu.be/kq8Xlbb3bOw?si=2yZUX4Vj2pR7m9Ev) |
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|u/Asha_Brea - 1 month |
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|Imagine all the stories it has to tell. |
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|u/MisterSanitation - 1 month |
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|Yeah but they are twisted into old turtle language. “People are |
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|still upset about slaves but I say they have been around since the |
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|Romans! What is everyone so upset about!? Also people are caring about |
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|one another all of a sudden, what is up with that!? I’m a tortoise!” |
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|u/Sorry_Consideration7 - 1 month |
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|"Don't even get me started on that goddamn hare!" |
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|u/Anangrywookiee - 1 month |
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|Oh no, he’s racist. |
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|u/pikpikcarrotmon - 1 month |
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|Most old reptiles I know are |
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|u/partyinplatypus - 1 month |
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|sand spark chubby tap groovy fertile governor middle soft |
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|carpenter *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with |
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|[Redact](https://redact.dev)* |
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|u/Final_Version_png - 1 month |
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|And some of the worst in recorded history has been. Look at us, |
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|stating things on the internet. Who’d have thought? Not me 🙂↔️ |
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|u/wadeishere - 1 month |
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|But it would be super slow. "Peeeeeoppppppllllllle arrrrrrrre |
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|sssssssttttiiiiilllllle uuuuuppppsssseeeeeettttt |
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|aaaaaabbbbboooooouttttt.... |
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|u/Dub_stebbz - 1 month |
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|“You must understand, young Hobbit, it takes a long time to say |
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|anything in Old ~~Entish~~ Tortish. And we never say anything |
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|unless it is worth taking a long time to say.“ |
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|u/S-WordoftheMorning - 1 month |
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|What does a yellow light mean? |
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|u/MorgothReturns - 1 month |
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|Slow down! |
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|u/BieTea - 1 month |
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|"Heresy is not native to the world; it is but a contrivance. All |
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|things can be conjoined” |
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|u/cnthelogos - 1 month |
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|It was a bold choice to make the pope a tortoise, but it works. |
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|u/lkodl - 1 month |
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|Stories complete with a definitely noticeable, but somewhat expected, |
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|amount of racism. |
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|u/theknyte - 1 month |
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|*"What? It's just what we called them back then! We didn't know any |
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|better!" -* My dearly departed Grandfather, more than once. |
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|u/phobosmarsdeimos - 1 month |
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|Brazil nuts? |
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|u/thissexypoptart - 1 month |
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|Stories complete with a definitely noticeable, but somewhat |
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|expected, amount of racism. |
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|u/MufugginJellyfish - 1 month |
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|Stories complete with a definitely noticeable, but somewhat |
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|expected, amount of racism. |
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|u/MufugginJellyfish - 1 month |
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|Bro is so old he votes Whig every election |
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|u/VetteBuilder - 1 month |
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|I am thinking he is Unreconstructed |
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|u/DrConnors - 1 month |
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|When Johnathan was asked for comment, all he had to say was, "I like |
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|turtles." [Source.](https://youtu.be/KWotO76SuXE) |
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|u/NearbyContract9251 - 1 month |
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|Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me, nor make |
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|it bear fruit before its time. |
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|u/fingerpaintswithpoop - 1 month |
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|“I’ve seen things that would scare you shell-less!” |
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|u/cesarmac - 1 month |
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|Jonathan: "I've seen some shit" |
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|u/lkodl - 1 month |
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|Stories complete with a definitely noticeable, but somewhat expected, |
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|amount of racism. |
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|u/Asha_Brea - 1 month |
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|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3C6mcNQ6z1M |
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|u/No_Construction_4518 - 1 month |
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|Animal communicator Nancy Mello talked to Jonathan and his vet on her |
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|Creature Preacher podcast! You can listen to it |
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|here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/creature- |
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|preacher/id1728903586?i=1000649683119 |
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|u/altcastle - 1 month |
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|I’m afraid the turtle is very racist, and he will not be invited back |
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|to the library children’s story time. |
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|u/femmestem - 1 month |
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|He'd be like the Ents of the Tolkien books. |
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|u/PotatoSad4615 - 1 month |
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|Yeah, but he speaks so slowly! |
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|u/djmanning711 - 1 month |
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|“Let me tell you about the great watermelon of 1874.” |
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|u/beefstewforyou - 1 month |
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|I imagine the majority of it is just eating random things. |
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|u/Objective-Aioli-1185 - 1 month |
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|I've seen some things maaan and some stuff. |
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|u/Cold-Curve-1291 - 1 month |
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|First thought of mine. He has seen some shit. |
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|u/thissexypoptart - 1 month |
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|Stories complete with a definitely noticeable, but somewhat expected, |
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|amount of racism. |
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|u/thissexypoptart - 1 month |
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| |
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|Stories complete with a definitely noticeable, but somewhat |
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|expected, amount of racism. |
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|u/thissexypoptart - 1 month |
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|Stories complete with a definitely noticeable, but somewhat expected, |
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|amount of racism. |
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|u/MrScotchyScotch - 1 month |
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|People: "Things are worse than they've ever been!" Jonathan: *munch |
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|munch* |
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|u/heardtherewascake - 1 month |
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|It's also amazing that we even know that, we would have to have been |
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|there when it hatched, and kept records all this time. |
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|u/IAMHideoKojimaAMA - 1 month |
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|Well, we really didn't. We just know he's at least the age he is |
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|u/Enchelion - 1 month |
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|Not when he hatched, but they have photos of him fully grown in 1886, |
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|and diary entries form a few years before that, which means he would |
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|have been at least 50 years old by that time. |
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|u/Overtronic - 1 month |
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|Reading the Wikipedia page, he was only named Jonathan in the 1930s so |
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|for the 100 years before, who knows what he went by. |
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|u/icanhascheeseberder - 1 month |
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|Johhanathan |
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|u/HDI-X13 - 1 month |
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|I wonder what he thinks about minorities. |
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|u/kgb17 - 1 month |
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|Turtles use such archaic slurs you don’t even know what they are |
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|talking about. |
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|u/p_s_i - 1 month |
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|That and I don't speak turtle. |
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|u/FormABruteSquad - 1 month |
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|Ahoy hoy, quatroon! |
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|u/kgb17 - 1 month |
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|Jesus Christ I can’t believe that’s not censored by the mods |
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|u/papito_m - 1 month |
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|“No brown shells back in my day” |
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|u/Phalex - 1 month |
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|I like turtles. |
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|u/TinchoX89 - 1 month |
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|That's a tortoise though... |
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|u/MrIrrelevantsHypeMan - 1 month |
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|All tortoises are turtles |
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|u/MaximaFuryRigor - 1 month |
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| |
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|Technically correct. The best kind of correct! |
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|u/SatelliteJedi - 1 month |
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|I heard he started the civil war. |
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|u/RubYourEagle - 1 month |
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| |
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|yeah right, in the animal kingdom? |
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|u/SatelliteJedi - 1 month |
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|Nah, my boy Johnathan led the charge at Fredericksburg. |
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|u/teddycorps - 1 month |
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|Jonathan, hatched c. 1832, |
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|u/thisisdefinitelyaway - 1 month |
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|Another example of something that lasted longer than the Confederacy. |
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|Good job losers. |
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|u/FIRST_DATE_ANAL - 1 month |
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| |
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|Waaaay longer |
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|u/syntactyx - 1 month |
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| |
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|And Jonathan is gay! His partner Frederik (originally named Frederika) |
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|was thought to be female due to a physical deformity that made sex |
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|determination difficult; however modern biologists have since identified |
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|Frederik to be a male, meaning Jonathan and Frederik are officially the |
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|cutest gay couple in the animal kingdom. |
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|u/jgiffin - 1 month |
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|Unless Jonathan is being fooled by the deformity too… |
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|u/Ein_Fachidiot - 1 month |
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| |
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|How long have they been together? |
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|u/Willing-University81 - 1 month |
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|1991 |
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|u/SeveralTable3097 - 1 month |
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|It’s wonderful to see folks find their soul mate in their golden |
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|years! |
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|u/Jeff-Lebowski-Dude - 1 month |
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| |
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|Jonathan is definitely not gay, I met him in person on St. Helena and |
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|he got put in time out for lifting the ladies dresses up with his long |
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|neck to get a peek. Good times. |
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|u/syntactyx - 1 month |
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| |
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|I thought we were talking about a tortoise, not a dog! damn! |
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|u/Geminii27 - 1 month |
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| |
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|Another couple of years and he'll be ready to run for Congress. |
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|u/mack178 - 1 month |
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|Yes but to be fair he did not fight in the civil war. |
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|u/JoeyZasaa - 1 month |
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| |
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|You were there? |
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|u/mack178 - 1 month |
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| |
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|perchance |
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|u/Pepperoni_Tony7 - 1 month |
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| |
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|so what side were you on there mack? |
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|u/ByronsLastStand - 1 month |
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| |
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|He's technically a British citizen, so he probably just tutted and |
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|drank lettuce tea |
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|u/Enchelion - 1 month |
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| |
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|Not unless a soldier got in his way to dinner. Wouldn't have stood a |
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|chance. |
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|u/LaserGadgets - 1 month |
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| |
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|I hope he won't see another! |
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|u/nsvxheIeuc3h2uddh3h1 - 1 month |
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| |
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|He could probably remember everything from way back then like it was |
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|only yesterday. Because he has *turtle recall.* |
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|u/wilsonhammer - 1 month |
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| |
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|Mitch McConnell's brother is looking good |
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|u/silversurfer63 - 1 month |
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| |
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|Younger brother |
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|u/wilsonhammer - 1 month |
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| |
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|Lolololol |
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|u/lat204 - 1 month |
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| |
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|Why not just give a year instead of referencing an event? |
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|u/InspectorPipes - 1 month |
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| |
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|How about ‘ Johnathon the turtle approaching his 200th birthday’ . The |
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|most egregious is when ‘they‘ use strange units of measure in their |
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|articles. Frank the whale is the size of 3 1984 Chevy citation |
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|sedans. Johnathan the turtle weighs more than 11 Le’crusette French |
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|enameled 6 quart stock pots. |
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|u/lat204 - 1 month |
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| |
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|"TIL that Jonathan the tortoise was born in 1833 (191 years old) and |
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|is still alive today" |
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|u/JKnumber1hater - 1 month |
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| |
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|Americans will use literally any measurement system to avoid using |
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|metric. |
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|u/rosstedfordkendall - 1 month |
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| |
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|My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes |
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|it. |
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|u/PicklesAndCapers - 1 month |
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| |
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|
|I measure road trip length in number of episodes of Scrubs. For |
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|example, going from Portland to Los Angeles is about 60-64 |
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|
|episodes of Scrubs if you hit bad traffic while going through the |
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|Bay Area. |
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|u/22Josko - 1 month |
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| |
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|Because it would be boring |
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|u/lat204 - 1 month |
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| |
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|Turtles are never boring. How dare you. |
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|u/Books_and_Cleverness - 1 month |
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| |
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|It’s more interesting this way IMHO. Also gives a moment to reflect |
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|on how the stuff we learn about in US History wasn’t really *that* |
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|long ago. |
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|u/JoeyZasaa - 1 month |
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| |
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|Oh, latty. It's to emphasize how old he is. |
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|u/lat204 - 1 month |
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| |
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|For Americans, sure. |
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|u/lat204 - 1 month |
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| |
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|
|Not everyone on Reddit is from USA and knows off the top of their |
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|
|head when the civil war occurred. It is much easier to use a number |
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|everyone can understand and put into context. |
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|u/TheGhastlyFisherman - 1 month |
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| |
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|
|> 30 years before the civil war So 1612? That's 30 years before the |
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|civil war. More people know when 1832 is than know when the |
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|American Civil War began. |
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|u/elwood2711 - 1 month |
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| |
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|Who cares. Everybody knows when the civil war happened and if they |
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|don't, they should go back to school. |
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|u/oldtrack - 1 month |
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| |
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|very american-centric answer lol we didn’t learn about any of |
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|american history at school |
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|u/axw3555 - 1 month |
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| |
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|Uh… if you’re American, sure. As a Brit, I know roughly when it was |
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|(and not from school, to us, your history isn’t even worth a couple |
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|
|of lessons, we literally spent more time on the Aztecs than you) and |
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|honestly, by the standards of European history, it’s not even that |
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|
|long ago. My tiny hometown in England is a thousand years old, and |
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|we’re not even the oldest town within 10 miles. The next town over |
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|dates to Roman colonisation. |
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|u/TinchoX89 - 1 month |
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| |
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|That's a very long lived animal, damn! |
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|u/theJOJeht - 1 month |
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| |
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|Behold, Dog! |
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|u/Mickeyjj27 - 1 month |
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| |
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|Can I get some tortoise dna spliced into me or something that or the |
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|Greenland shark |
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|u/n3rdopolis - 1 month |
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| |
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|And now he just won't leave the dang Senate. |
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|u/eureka__77 - 1 month |
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| |
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|And he just watched everything happen, no effort to stop anything. Wow |
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|u/bolanrox - 1 month |
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| |
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|The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about |
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|their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and beg |
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|him to save them. And he will look down, and whisper… ‘No’.” |
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|u/TheRazorBoyComes - 1 month |
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| |
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|Good clean livin! |
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|u/ZillaGodX2 - 1 month |
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| |
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|I heard he single-handedly stopped Sherman’s march in Savannah. |
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|otherwise he would have conquered Puerto Rico! |
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|u/GuruTheMadMonk - 1 month |
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| |
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|I like turtles. |
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|u/Looney_forner - 1 month |
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| |
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|Wtf man, dude just sat there and let it happen? |
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|u/Geminii27 - 1 month |
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| |
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|Jonathan: "All y'all have too many wars. Seriously." |
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|u/Revolutionary-You449 - 1 month |
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| |
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|I bet if Jonathan could speak he would have a very old-timey voice and |
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|every 5th sentence would be “I’ve seen some shit in my day!” |
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|u/Your_Kindly_Despot - 1 month |
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| |
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|Tortoises are notoriously the most racist members of the Testudinidae |
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|family. No doubt he was on the wrong side of the Civil War. |
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|u/jimbobdonut - 1 month |
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| |
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|He said Cowabunga way before the ninja turtles! |
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|u/TCGHexenwahn - 1 month |
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| |
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|Visions of dog |
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|u/Play_To_Nguyen - 1 month |
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| |
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|I wonder what he thinks of how the world has changed |
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|u/isomanatee - 1 month |
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| |
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|What an absolute champion.. |
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|u/ihatespaminacan - 1 month |
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| |
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|And he didn't do shit to help out? Fake ass mfer |
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|u/raddrobb67 - 1 month |
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| |
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|Turtle power. |
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|u/Macktheattack - 1 month |
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| |
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|
|Wasn’t he also on St. Helena during Napoleon’s exile? |
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|u/strings___ - 1 month |
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| |
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|Johnathan: I've seen some shit |
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|u/Zetanite - 1 month |
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| |
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|I can only imagine the kinds of bizarre adventures he's had over the |
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|years. |
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|u/xanderholland - 1 month |
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| |
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|I wonder what his thoughts are on the results of said war... |
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|u/Deerah - 1 month |
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|Jonathan has Seen Some Shit. |
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|u/Supaspex - 1 month |
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|The turtle has seen some shit |
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|u/Historical_Dentonian - 1 month |
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|Has produced 10 tons for shit! |
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|u/dillimunda - 1 month |
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|Scientista should research on the reasons for the longevity of tortoise. |
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|Can apply that findings of the research to prolong human lives. |
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|u/dillimunda - 1 month |
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|What is the plural of tortoise ? |
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|u/outoftheshowerahri - 1 month |
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|Imagine all the lettuce he’s tasted. He’s probably tasted lettuce more |
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|nutritionally dense than we ever will. |
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|u/brokenB42morrow - 1 month |
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|191. |
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|u/Xijit - 1 month |
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|So there is a good chance is racist? |
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|u/PranaSC2 - 1 month |
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|He’s probably having lots of flashbacks right now.. |
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|u/RuffTuff - 1 month |
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|I wonder what he was thinking during the cold war. |
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|u/lespaulstrat2 - 1 month |
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|IIRC when Johnathan was born, Keith Richards had him as a pet. |
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|u/JustHereForMiatas - 1 month |
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|Johnathan the tortoise was alive while the Spanish inquisition was still |
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|a thing. |
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|u/JoeyZasaa - 1 month |
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|Not a coincidence that it ended shortly after he was born. |
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|u/PG-DaMan - 1 month |
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|And he still owes my grandfather 29 cents. |
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|u/SmittyComic - 1 month |
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|fun fact: will still say "oriental" when talking about a person |
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|from south-east Asia, which is an improvement from before 1970 when he |
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|called everyone "chinamen" |
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|u/draxlaugh - 1 month |
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|How do I go about owning one of these majestic creatures? |
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|u/Enchelion - 1 month |
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|They're wildly endangered, and formerly extirpated. There's a few in |
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|captivity, and less than 40 released into the wild from a captive |
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|breeding and reintroduction program. |
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|u/GeekShogun - 1 month |
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|He still says turtle with the hard R |
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|u/MrFrode - 1 month |
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|Plus he was almost the Democrat nominee for President. |
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|u/Far_Sandwich_6553 - 1 month |
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|Time goes by when you’re not dealing with Human horse shit! |
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|u/FirstManufacturer648 - 1 month |
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|That tortoise has a face that shows he has some seen some shit. |
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|u/arousedpirate - 1 month |
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|The south will rise again |
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|u/unfit_spartan_baby - 1 month |
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|He’s also gay. Fun fact. |
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