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Sat Nov 20 10:54:49 PM EST 2021
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Intuition.

Not false pretenses, per se, but not so far off either. How
others view my utility... they may have decided what piece I
am on their chess board and how I am to be used.  And that's
fine -- right up to the boundaries I explicitly stated up
front... and my hackles are rising.

Karma is haunting...

I have a mantra of sorts. When instinctual response begins
to wash over me and sweep me from my feet, I remember: "The
mind lies." It's a reminder: All of my past instincts --
everything I have believed -- have led to this situation.
They've let me to it in the past and have me concerned that
I will encounter it again. My warning up front that I would
not have it again have others sensitive to my concern. Their
sensitivity may have them cautious to reveal their vision.
Their caution raises my hackles.

A vicious cycle. "The mind lies."

But sometimes it doesn't.

Today was a good day, even if the pizza we had for dinner
earlier will haunt me with heartburn later tonight -- just
something I know about my body as it changed over the last
15 years. In the meantime, while the family sleeps, the tv
is running while I reflect and write.

Maybe someday I'll learn how to use what others see in me
for some positive outcome -- for everyone, for my family and
friends, and maybe even for myself.  We'll see where it
leads.