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__________________________________________________________ |
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Internet Board of Disease Control |
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. [___________] |
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. {=========} |
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. .-' '-. |
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. / \ |
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. /_________________\ |
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. | _ _ _ __ _ | |
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. ||_)|_)/ \ /|\ / | |
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. ,.----. ,.----. || | \\_//_|~\\_ | |
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. // \ \ // \ \ |_________________| |
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.jgs \\ \ / \\ \ / | | |
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. `'----' `'----' '-----------------' |
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TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, |
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I regret to inform you that you have been named as |
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a possible cyber-sexual partner of someone who has |
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tested positive for the ATTICS (Affliction Transmitted |
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Through Internet Chat Sex) virus. It would benifit |
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you to be tested and/or treated for this disease. |
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ATTICS is highly contagious and can be spread |
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by a simple "f@ck you" or "muuuuaaaahhhhh". |
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It appears to be predominent in WebTV users |
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but has been detected in the PC community. |
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Amusing as this may sound this is no laughing matter! |
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ATTICS is a mainly psychological disorder but can |
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fester into physical ailments if not treated. You will |
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be provided with a list of symptoms, if you have any |
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of these contact this office and forward this notice |
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to all your cyber-sexual contacts! |
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The following is a list of symptoms, onset of these |
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symptoms may be immediate or may remain undetected |
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for years. PLEASE do not ignore these warning signs! |
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KEYBOARD COURAGE: |
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The threatening of another chatter for no logical reason. |
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WOOHOO: |
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The uncontrollable urge to say wooooohoooooo to anything |
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that may be deemed sexual in nature (may be a result of |
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overactive woohoormones). |
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HOLIDAY INN-hibition: |
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The need to take someone to a private room. |
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P.T.P.U.D. (POST TRAMATIC POP UP DISORDER): |
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Heavy reliance on popups. |
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HORIZONTAL RETNAL SCAN: |
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Inability to read anything that doesn't scroll up. |
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LOSS OF FINGERNAILS. |
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BEDPAN COMPLEX: |
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Having a bucket next to the TV for human waste. |
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CYBER TERRETTS SYNDROME: |
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The random shouting of obscenities every time the phone |
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rings. |
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RED EYE: Elimiination of any whites from the eye. |
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VIRTUAL SPEED: |
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The ability to make 2 lunches, fold a load of laundry, |
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go pee, and put in a video, before your last comment |
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leaves the screen. |
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SLEEP APATHY: |
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Going without sleep to chat. |
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CYBER ANNOREXIA: |
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Going without food to chat. |
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SYMBOLIC DSYLEXIA: |
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The use of initials instead of words ie.: |
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LMAO=LAUGHING MY A$$ OFF. |
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NIC IDENTITY CRISIS: |
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The adoption of a nic as a second name. |
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If you encounter any of these symptoms feel free |
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to contact me. |
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THANKS FOR YOUR TIME, |
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Dr. Pete O. Fender Internet Board of Disease Control |
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__________________________________________________________ |
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